2010 sucks

Just found out one of my friend passed away yesterday -- it was a stroke. The last time I saw her, it was right before I left for Dubai. We were supposed to catch up. We loved her so much.

She was 33 years old. This is so wrong.

2010 | Fresh Start

New Year. Wipe the slate clean. Let it all begin. Again.

2009 has not been a good year for my readings. When it was finally confirmed that I was coming back for good last September, I packed my things in a hurry. I left a lot of things behind -- a lot of books. Amazing how I acquire possession so quickly.

I started reading Mikkel Birkegaard's The Library of Shadows a few days ago. It's translated from Danish, a literary thriller about books and reading.

We'll see how it goes.

RECORDS FOR 2009

1. The Redbreast • Jo Nesbø [translated from the Norwegian by Don Bartlett]
2. Paper Towns • John Green
3. The Shock Doctrine • Naomi Klein

MUSIC | Skunk Anansie, "Hedonism"

I hope you're feeling happy now
I see you feel no pain at all it seems
I wonder what you're doin' now
I wonder if you think of me at all
do you still play the same moves now
or are those special moods
for someone else

I hope you're feeling happy now
just because you feel good
doesn't make you right
just because you feel good
still want you here tonight
does laughter still discover you
I see through all the smiles
that look so right
do you still have the same friends now
to smoke away your problems and your life
oh how do you remember
me the one that made
you laugh until you cried

I hope you're feeling happy now
just because you feel good doesn't make you right
just because you feel good still want you here tonight
I wonder what you're doing now
I hope you're feeling happy now
I hope you're feeling happy now

The Lion, the Unicorn and Me by Jeanette Winterson

Re-telling of the nativity story.

Read

Brief Update: 13th December 2009

It's 2:02 am on a Sunday. The date on my laptop says it's 13th December 2009. Time has slipped pass me indeed.

I just came out of a MSN chat with a friend. We argued - we have been doing that a lot lately. There is just too much unresolved tension between us. It can be uncomfortable when a friendship seem to have sidestepped into a kind of romantic/sexual attraction. I am not sure if I am ready to deal with this right now. Neither of us knows what to do.

I'm still trying to come out of the fog at the moment. Things have not been ideal - but real life rarely is. I'm trying to keep thing simple right now: Re-establish a regular yoga practice. Get a social life. Read a little more. I don't think I am ready for anything more complicated. A relationship feels too messy for me to deal with at this point.

I find it harder to read these days. Again - the problem with a short attention span. I am reading Victoria Finlay's Colour right now, a journey discovering the colours of the paintbox. I thought it would be interesting - but I guess some colours interest me more than others. We are on black and brown right now, and as intriguing as the history behind these colours are, I really want to find out more about the more vibrant shades. Give me the blues. Give me the reds. But life is truly interesting because of all its infinite varieties, isn't it?

I also have Laurie R. King's The Language of Bees available. Old favourites comfort me.

Just keeping things simple right now. Maybe I should start making a list of books I would like to read for 2010. It seems like a good way of getting myself back into the reading game.

I hope everyone had a good year. I had some pretty depressing moments in 2009, but I know I also met some good people this year - good friends that I would love to keep.

Life is interesting precisely because it is not perfect.

Within Temptation, "Forgiven"

A Brief Return To This Blog

Dear Friends,

Hi, I'm back after an absence of several months. Where have I been? I'm still online -- but I have been almost exclusively on Facebook. It's a long story -- mainly I have been too involved in a Mafia War clan, which has taken up too much of my time.

Some of you have expressed concerns over my absence from the blogsphere. Thank you for the concern. I will be back soon, I promise. I guess the truth is, I found it difficult to blog these past year. The time spent in Dubai has not been healthy for me. I find that I am only able to write comfortably if I can find an emotional anchor. These past year have been a series of emotional upheaval. I couldn't centre myself sufficiently to stay coherent in my own thoughts anymore. I couldn't even find the peace of mind to read anymore. Which is an irony, since I work in a bookstore. I have stopped being a vegetarian. I have stopped my yoga practice. My life as I have known it, has stopped.

So I played Mafia Wars instead.

I guess this is just a note to my friends to say, "Hi, I ain't dead." But most importantly, I am happy to announce that my HR Department has confirmed the last day of my one-year term in Dubai will end on 31st August 2009. This means 10 days from today, I will no longer be bonded to the Dubai store. My ticket for home is for 14th September.

There is a slight anxiety at the back of my mind about coming home without a job. My colleagues have been trying to persuade me to stay in Dubai for a 2nd year. I considered it very briefly -- I have given HR the figure I need to extend my contract. They have reverted on what they are will to pay -- which is less than half of what I asked for.

I said no. I could have told them not to insult me. After one year here, I know what I am worth. They can take their offer and stuff it up their arse.

I have given one year of my youth here. After this one year I have decided life is too short. This is not the place for me. Time to move on.

My Department Manager asked me what are my plans. I have none. I will have to watch my spending. I may travel -- maybe to the Philippines. I have a friend living there that I met online. It would be interesting to actually meet her in person.

But we shall see. So many things are uncertain right now. I will worry about them later.

~ darkorpheus