I should be upset about this, but right now all I feel is a profound sense of irony.
I had ticket to watch Sir Ian McKellen last night for The RSC performance of The Seagull. I forgot all about it. I wasn't even doing anything important last night. I was just at home, ironing my clothes.
Since it's over, there isn't anything I could do about it. So, I might as well just let it go, right?
To think I had it all written down on my diary so that I will not forget. Oh well.
As it turns out, my equanimity on this issue is superficial. I am more upset about this than I realise. When I told my colleagues about how I forgot about the play, some actually raised their voice at how stupid and careless I was. That got me defensive and bristling. Afterall, it is MY money and MY ticket. It is just a play, not life or death.
"How could you forget?" they screamed at me.
"Because I don't remember, Hence I forget," I snapped.
The people who are angry at ME missing the play are the ones who would not pay to watch Ian McKellen. So why are they taking it so personally when I have more reasons to be upset than them?
What I know is this: my defensiveness on this is because I am not as calm about missing the play as I pretend to be. A part of me is angry at myself for forgetting. Too often, I find that my anger and defensive reactions are less due to the events (which is just a stimulus) - but rather, it is because I allowed myself to succumb to my own insecurities and fears.