To Love the Questions

I had look forward to 2011 as a better year. Then a few weeks into 2011, I fell out with someone very important to me. We are still not on talking terms. I don't know if I will ever be allowed to mend bridges. Maybe one day, maybe never.

For a while, 2011 felt like a year of loss. I lost a few more friends this year: through misunderstanding, through my emotional state of mind, and one because of an illness.

I am having a lot of difficulties at my current job. I also have some wonderful colleagues, most of whom have recently quitted because they could not bear working with my boss anymore.

Once in a while I manage to breathe a little in between everything that life has been throwing at me, and sometimes, I think there might be a reason behind everything that came my way. The difficulties at work make me grateful for the little kindness and generosity I encounter at work. Losing some of my good friends make me appreciate the ones that are still around.

So maybe there is a reason behind everything that has come to pass. I need to keep that in mind every time the pressures build up and I start lamenting, "Why me?"

Maybe there is a reason behind losing some friends. Maybe it is just not yet the right time, and right now both of us are supposed to be doing other things.

“…be patient to all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke