Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas 2008

I can understand why suicide rates go up during the holidays. No - in case you're concerned - I'm not going to do anything stupid.

I have always been a loner, but a loner with friends. I thought I could manage coming over to Dubai with no friends. As it turns out, I am not as strong as I thought I was. Last night was Christmas Eve and it was difficult. 

I was meditating last night - or at least I was trying to meditate. Shortly after I started sitting the tears rolled down my cheeks, and I had to stop. I should have continued, and just let the emotions run its course. But I couldn't do that last night.

Today is Christmas. It's also my mom's birthday. I called home a few minutes ago to wish my mom a happy birthday. My dad picked up the line and he couldn't recognize my voice. He also told me that my mom isn't at home.

I have to go to work in less than 2 hours. Christmas is not a holiday in Dubai. I think I have run out of festive cheers for the year. I dread the thought of pretending to be cheerful when my colleagues wish me a Merry Christmas. 

12 comments:

Chris said...

Oh D-O...I'm so sorry :( I'm sending you a big warm hug all the way across the ocean. I can only imagine how hard that must be. Know that you're loved by people out there though even if they're not immediately around you. I hope your day is ok.

Yogamum said...

Oh, I'm sorry! I can understand how hard it must be. Much love to you!!

Danielle said...

So sorry your holiday is not going to be a traditional one. I have spent time abroad and during the holidays, so I know how hard it is to be away from friends and family! Sending you good wishes anyway!

jenclair said...

Another hug from across the ocean. It would be so difficult to be in a foreign country without family and friends on the best of days, but during Christmas.... Hope things improve soon and that you find the strength you need to get through the season without your family.

I find that frequently during meditation, tears begin falling. A strange sensation because I'm usually thinking of my father, but there are no sobs. I meditate with intention, so it becomes a kind of prayer. I'll include you in tonight's session--wishing you well, wishing you peace and joy.

Stefanie said...

A cyberhug to you and good Christmas wishes.

Nymeth said...

*big hugs*

I think I'm that kind of loner too - a loner who's always had a "safety net", so to speak. And because it's in my nature to be okay with spending a lot of time alone, sometimes I misjudge how vulnerable I actually am to loneliness. I really don't think it's a matter of lacking strength, though. It's just a part of being human.

I hope you have an okay day. You'll be in my thoughts.

jpderosnay said...

oh dark orpheus... that sounds so difficult!! :( i'm sorry.

thinking of you here.

dizzy_leaf said...

:( hang in there. tomorrow's practice is for u

Stephanie said...

I really hope you are feeling better by the time you read this. Holidays are hard enough when you are surrounded by people you know and love. I can't even imagine being alone in a strange country on Christmas! (Well...actually I was dreaming about it today when I was catching hell from my mom for something...but I digress!)

I'm sending good vibes your way!

serene said...

hey you-
as someone spending another Christmas- my favorite time of year- away from home, i know how you feel... i'm sorry and much love your way. i want to tell you that it gets better, but it doesn't really. not for me anyway...

but one finds comfort in friends, new traditions and a peace and comfort within that comes from learning that distance is often over-rated and somethings just can't be measured by kilometers or miles. take care my friend.

Bybee said...

I know how you feel...this was a difficult Christmas in Korea. It's just not a Christmas kind of country.

Ella said...

Oh, DO, I feel for you. I remember exactly how awful that first Christmas was for me - I spent the whole day feeling lost.

If it makes you feel any better, I am really glad you came to Dubai.