Monday, May 04, 2009

Life Here and Life Back Home

My resentment at work has been building up lately. Recenty I found out about some "cost-saving" measures, and part of it involves Upper Management f**king with our health care benefits. This is a sore point with me as I really do not want to be ill in Dubai without health insurance.

My seething rage is evident to all the managers right now. They advise me to calm down. I need my cool when I deal with bastards like these. My quick-temper will only led me to mistakes.

I am trying to lay low and just do my work today - as advised. But it must be my karma that trouble comes looking for me; H has spoken to the Upper Management about her moving out of the apartment. Today, Upper Management spoke to my Department Manager about MY accomodation. Upper Management - or as I call him now: The Cheap-Ass Bastard - feels that I should not be staying alone in a 2 bedroom apartment. The Cheap-Ass Bastard asked my Department Manager if I would mind moving out of the two-room apartment into a one-room apartment? But it will only be for 3 months. Three months later, they will try to move me to a one-room studio apartment.

Notice that no one is talking to me about where I should be staying?

I am also offended that I should have to move out of my current apartment. I had no complaints about my current accomodation. It was H who decided to move out. I could have lodged a complaint when H kept inviting her "friend" over to stay the night in her room. I did not. I did not want to get anyone in trouble.

Except I learnt that H went to the Cheap-Ass Bastard first, and she made it seem as though I was the one making it difficult for her.

Bitch. Now it's her word against mine, and she got her story in first.

Bitch.

On a more personal front, my friends Alice and Wilkie are moving to Australia soon. They had a little girl, Avery a few months ago. I remember how Alice first broke the news of her pregnancy to us in a cafe at Vivocity. We were so happy for them. Then I came to Dubai, and little Avery was born. Now Alice and Wilkie's Facebook updates are filled with Avery's pictures. There are some ugly babies out there - but Avery is really cute. I mean it. She is adorable. I love the pictures of that little girl - even though Alice refuses to take my advice and name her baby after me. :D

I have known Alice since we were classmates in college. We were 16 then, and now we are twice that age.

I remember how many of us would skip the dull Economics lectures. We relied on sober, hardworking Alice to help the absentees "fake" our attendance - oh, and to help take the lecture notes. Then one day, the lecturer found out Alice was the only one from our class attending the Economics lecture. There was hell to pay then. When we look back on our school-days, we don't remember what was taught during lectures. Instead, it's memories like these - skipping lectures, being found out and punished for it - these are the real memories.

I am looking back at my time spent in Dubai the last 6 months, and I don't have these pleasant memories. Instead, I feel a sense of loss. I am absent from my friends' lives - even as they continue with their lives. I have never met Baby Avery in person. Now that Alice and Wilkie are moving to Australia - Avery will probably not be a baby when I finally do meet her.

This leads me to wonder: Why am I working here in a foreign land, fighting with unpleasant people - when what would make me happy right now is just to pinch Baby Avery's cheeks before she is old enough to resent it? Or at least, to be able to send Alice, Wilkie and Avery off at the airport, as they leave for a new life in a foreign land.

I came to Dubai imagining myself self-sufficient, free of emotional attachment. Life away from home has proved me wrong. I am more invested in my relationships than I had assumed.

If The Cheap-Ass Bastard wants me to move, maybe I should oblige him. Right now, I just want to move back home. I have a real life that I care about back home. It feels like I am sacrificing a real life for nothing that I care about over here.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I wish your experiences would have better better.Though you may not remember anything pleasant now but i hope you will look back at it differently one day. It is experience and it will pass.Things happened for a reason and we need to grow and venture outside our comfort space. remember your kiwi experience. you wont regret this move to dubai. it is a chance and not many ppl have it. bitch are bitch,stand firm and fought strong. bitch can be anywhere. you are in very much of your friends' life though you are not with them. Everything will be fine. Times flies and before you know it, you are home. Take care and happy thoughts. quietletters : )

Courtney said...

Oh, I wish I could say something to make it better. All I can say is that I agree with, well, anonymous and say you will end up appreciating this experience in some way, shape, or form. Also, if you are totally certain that you are unhappy and would rather be home, and it is at all feasible for you to move, well, then, I would! Life is short. Wide, but short. and once you know what you want you should pursue it wholeheartedly.

Mike J. said...

I may not know you personally, but I can relate to your story. I've been to that situation where I was working my ass out in a different territory (far away from my comfort zone)and I was separated from my friends and loved ones. It sucked. But then again, if you're happy in what you're doing, just keep it up. Or if not, follow your heart. Think of your own happiness. Life is too short, make the most out of it. I hope things will turn out fine for you. God Bless!

ovidiayu said...

Sorry, nothing helpful to say except I sympathise & 'this too shall pass'.

Can totally understand how you feel (blew yesterday ranting at 'friend' who I'm still pissed at--which only earned a Huge headache)

Heather said...

This sucks. I'm sorry this has happened - I hope by now things are starting to work themselves out but if not then go home for more than a visit. Or find another job (if possible) that makes you happier and has less toxic people. I'm sending you a virtual hug.