Been going through a crisis of faith lately. Trying to see that everything happens for a reason, but a part of me keeps wanting to do something to change things. My habitual patterns are stirring again, I can feel them coming on. I need faith, to believe things fall out of my life for a reason, so that better things can come in.
Sometimes we have enough awareness to catch our patterns, but the challenge remains in coping with them.
My readings are turning more inward these days. Probably less time for fiction. It feels like I have been walking in a fog the last four years, and I only just woke up. I am less sure of myself these days. Not even sure if I am really the good person that I am. I seem to just keep hurting the people I care about. My best laid plans just don't pan out the way I wanted them to.