Monday, February 07, 2011


I'm not a trained psychologist of course, but it occurred to me that I might actually have been depressed the last 2 years.

Symptoms include:

Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" feelings
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness
Irritability, restlessness
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable
Fatigue and decreased energy
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
Overeating, or appetite loss
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

The past 2 years I have been persistently manifesting all the symptoms above, as well as emotional upheavals where I over-react or suddenly break down in tears over trivial matters. I stopped doing the things I love - I stopped reading, I stopped writing, I stopped practing yoga. My thoughts are often negative, and many mornings, I wake up with a sense of emotional heaviness. The only thing I do not have are thoughts of suicide. Thank goodness.

If I had realised this earlier, I might have asked for help sooner - or maybe not. People in the throes of depression often find it difficult to get help. All I know is that I felt very much alone the past 2 years. It was hard to get motivated with anything.

Maybe the fact I can see this now, is a sign I am getting better. It just costed me a lot to get to this stage.


Ella said...

I am sorry, DO. Are you working with someone to feel better? That list is a big load to carry around.

darkorpheus said...

Thanks, Ella. I feel better these days though. I hope these good days stay longer.

Anonymous said...

somehow i read before that things will get worse before it becomes better. hang in there. things will get better. take care and wish you well as always. Quietletters

darkorpheus said...

@Quietletters: I need it to work faster.