Saturday, June 07, 2008

Five In the Morning

I've just set my alarm clock to ring at 5:00 am.

Three years ago I started waking up at five in the morning. My day would start with fifteen minutes of sitting meditation, sixty minutes of yoga, preparing lunch to pack to work, shower, a bit of reading if time allows. Starting the day this way forces me to keep awake by the time I get to work. The most positive side of it was the sense of structure to my previous trainwreck existence. Often I find myself with less free time, but it felt like a great trade-off. Maintaining the morning schedule was difficult though. There were morning when I just slept in until seven.

Last year I was going through a terrible period of insomnia. I could only fall asleep at four or five in the morning. Waking up at 5 am was no longer an option, since I still went to work as usual with barely two hours of sleep the night before.

The insomnia lasted several months - it only improved earlier this year. But there are still nights when I just could not fall asleep.

These days I rarely pack lunch to work. I wake up at seven. I stopped practicing and meditiating in the morning. I sleep late.

It feels like my life has lost its previous focus. It feels like I have fallen behind on my own life.

So, let's start again, shall we? From where I am right now.


wil said...


Anonymous said...

I really wish I could do yoga in the mornings but I can't. I've tried and it makes me physically ill. Dunno why, but I get clammy skin and dizzy. SO, yoga at night for me.

I have sleep problems too. I can fall asleep just fine. It's staying asleep that's the problem. What I do is get everything ready the night before so I don't have to worry about it in the morning.

Good luck with the morning routine! Having focus is a good thing.

darkorpheus said...

wil Thank you.

ailuros Oh dear. It's odd. Morning is supposed to be THE TIME to prepare. It's strange that your body reacts this way.

But your night practice is totally fine, yes?

Thank you. I managed to get stuff done today. But it's Sunday morning. The real test is whether I can manage to be as focused on weekday mornings.

Anonymous said...

A very good place to start.

darkorpheus said...

Stefanie We would all be a lot happier if we could just learn to start from where we are right now, wouldn't we?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I hear you on the disrupted sleep patterns and the disappointing inability to get my day started with my favorite activity (me: straight to fiction writing). When the pattern is off, my life feels off. Oh, boy, do I hear you...

(Sidenote: Saw Sleater-Kinney at the Crystal Ballroom: I didn't know who they were at the time, and they surprised the hell out of me, they were so good.)

Carl V. Anderson said...

I certainly wish you all the best in starting up anew. It is so hard to maintain healthy habits. I am in the process of kick starting my own that fell off around the start of this year. Adding insomnia to that would be unimaginable. You are in my thoughts!!!

darkorpheus said...

Lisa They say we should be able to live life spontaneously - but the truth is, we are creatures of habit. And habit - or a routine - is often what gets us moving.

You saw Sleater-Kinney at the Crystal Ballroom? ENVY!

Carl Thanks. And good luck on picking up on the good habits again. We can always just pick up where we started, if we are prepared to start at Square One.

Go walk the dog somemore. :)

Anonymous said...

I went through an insomnia period like that, too, where I just couldn't get to sleep until early morning. For me, it started because I spent too much time writing and thinking in the evenings and my brain couldn't stop and go to sleep. I simply have to get off the computer and allow my brain to slow down by eight in the evening or I'm doomed.

Best of luck to you!

darkorpheus said...

gartenfische Thanks. I know what you mean. I had to tear myself off the laptop on Sunday night. My mind was suddenly ablazed and I was writing and writing and writing. But it was close to midnight - and I know if I don't go to bed soon, I wasn't going to be able to wake up at 5am.

We get so caught up, like we have to cut down on sleep to do so much more. My most productive time is usually around 3am. This has to change.