It's amazing how things can change within a day.
Yesterday, I was happy.
Yesterday, I was making plans to meet up with friends to celebrate my birthday (my birthday is in March). My manager just informed me I would be sent on an overseas business trip (I have been clamouring for more overseas assignments for a very long time. I really wanted this assignment)
Then this morning I had my ultrasound and they found a 7.3 cm (about 2.87 inches) wide dermoid cyst. (I can't get over the figure. Even my doctor was surprised) I suddenly found myself scheduling the surgery to remove the cyst, and looking through applications for government subsidies on my medical bills. The surgery will mean I have to forfeit the business trip.
Most of all, I will be on convalescence leave for at least 4 weeks after the surgery. That means I will not be able to practice yoga for at least a month. The incision will be right below the navel, so to allow the wound to heal, I will not be able to practice pranayama that would activate the belly. No core work, no deep abdomen breathing.
What am I going to do in April for yoga?
I'm trying to stay positive but I'm wondering why this has to happen? They say nothing happens without a reason, but why now? Why do I have to spend my birthday worrying about my surgery in April, and to have the overseas assignment I have been looking forward to snatched away like this. What am I supposed to learn here?
I am trying to keep myself grounded during Hotflow class tonight -- but it was difficult. I keep replaying "ovarian cancer" in my head -- even though it's NOT cancer. (Well, dermoid cysts are RARELY cancerous -- but they don't know for sure until they operate) Somehow the mind just fixates on the negative and it wouldn't stop. My balance poses are totally off tonight, and I feel sapped after the drama this morning at the Women's Clinic.
I know March is the month for "grounding" -- but I wasn't expecting the need for "grounding" to hit home so hard.
And what am I going to do in April when I can't move around after the surgery? This is going to be challenging.
What am I supposed to learn here?
I think I'm going to skip the 108 Sun Salutations for March mornings and work on my sitting meditation instead. I'll need that peace of mind right now.
But I'm still going to meet my friends to celebration my birthday this month. I'm still alive, so I am going to celebrate.