RECORDS FOR 2011

Books Read 2011

1. My Lifelong Challenge: Singapore's Bilingual Journey • Lee Kuan Yew
2. The May 13 Generation: The Chinese Middle Schools Student Movement and Singapore Politics in the 1950s • Edited by Tan Jing Quee,Tan Kok Chiang & Hong Lysa
3. Chinese Schools in British Malaya: Policies and Politics • Lee Ting Hui
4. Shambhala: Sacred Path of the Warrior • Chögyam Trungpa
5. The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times • Pema Chodron
6. Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears • Pema Chodron
7. 365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life • John Kralik
8. The Wisdom of No Escape • Pema Chodron
9. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are • Brene Brown
10. When Things Fall Apart • Pema Chodron
11. The Miracle of Mindfulness: A Manual on Meditation • Thich Nhat Hanh
12. The Little Prince • Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
13. Shah of Shahs • Ryszard Kapuściński [translated from the Polish by William R. Brand & Katarzyna Mroczkowska-Brand]
14. Opening the Door of Your Heart and other Buddhist Tales of Happiness • Ajahn Brahm
15. Let the Right One In • John Ajvide Lindqvist [translated from the Swedish by Ebba Segerberg]
16. Outliers: The Story of Success • Malcolm Gladwell

Robert Massie's Catherine the Great and How He Came to the Russian Royalties

NPR featured a story on the biography of Catherine the Great, written by Robert Massie. link

Catherine the Great was a fascinating character. A teenager who was married off to an eccentric Czar, Peter III. Her husband was uninterested in her, and she was under constant pressure to bear the heir to the Russian throne. Bored and unhappy, Catherine read. And read. And read.

"She had been a bright child; her languages then were French and German, [and] she learned Russian," Massie says. "She began to read the great philosophers of the French Enlightenment. And in that way, she developed a philosophy of rule."

What caught my attention however, as this little anecdote about how Robert Massie came to be interested in the Russian royalties:

"My first child, my son Bob Jr., was born with hemophilia ... a genetic disease. We didn't know where this had come from; we knew nothing about this. This was 50 years ago.

"I knew a little, not much, about the most famous hemophiliac, the son of Nicholas II, the last czar. I started going down to the New York Public Library on my lunch hour and reading what I could find. I learned a lot about Russia. ... We went to Russia and I learned the Russian language to some degree, and I wanted to keep going."

Sometimes, you just don't know. Something happens. A thought led you to a path. You just followed it logically, until it led to someplace you never really expected.

Mona Simpson's eulogy for Steve Jobs

[ link ]

Steve’s final words were:

OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.

Murakami | "You got to pick the notes you really mean"

One of my all-time favorite jazz pianists is Thelonious Monk. Once, when someone asked him how he managed to get a certain special sound out of the piano, Monk pointed to the keyboard and said: “It can’t be any new note. When you look at the keyboard, all the notes are there already. But if you mean a note enough, it will sound different. You got to pick the notes you really mean!”

I often recall these words when I am writing, and I think to myself, “It’s true. There aren’t any new words. Our job is to give new meanings and special overtones to absolutely ordinary words.” I find the thought reassuring. It means that vast, unknown stretches still lie before us, fertile territories just waiting for us to cultivate them.

~ From Jazz Messenger, essay by Haruki Murakami

Creativity is Just Connecting Things

“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.

“Unfortunately, that’s too rare a commodity. A lot of people in our industry haven’t had very diverse experiences. So they don’t have enough dots to connect, and they end up with very linear solutions without a broad perspective on the problem. The broader one’s understanding of the human experience, the better design we will have."

~ Steve Jobs from 1996 Wired magazine

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Creating a Mindful Library

Book list for those interested in learning more about mindfulness:

http://www.mindful.org/Books/creating-a-mindful-library

Bookselling Is Harder than It Looks

My former director just posted this article from Fresh Eyes Now, the Shelf Awareness Newsletter. As a former bookseller, it made me smile. It's like a private joke that only those who have been there, who share the same pain (and laughter) will understand.

All over the world, booksellers greet them courteously, ask how they are. Perhaps no one has asked them that question all day, not even their families. They say "fine" in the language of the land because, quite suddenly, at this moment and in these special places, they are fine. There are empty chairs in quiet corners. Maybe they will just sit and read for a little while... in paradise.

Ten minutes later, they glance up from their reading to watch booksellers shelve a few novels. It's a beautiful, universal and almost ceremonial tableau. They think about the jobs they must return to when this break is over, the bosses who are mad at them for no reason, co-workers who are driving them crazy and the mountains of work piling up incessantly.

They can't help but consider an alternative: How pleasant it must be to just work in a bookstore.

You know the truth. It is pleasant most of the time--you can't imagine doing anything else--but it's also complicated. It's bookselling.

Full article here.

Spiritual Teachers

In Buddhist thought, anyone who brings a spiritual lesson home to you is considered kalyanamitra. They can take various forms along the path: as a teacher who gives you accurate information about your spiritual practice; as a fellow student who has been practicing for longer than you and is thus able to shed light on the path you are both on; and, ultimately, as a guru, one can guide you to enlightenment. In a less formal sense, spiritual friends also show up in your life as long time pals, new acquaintances, schoolteachers, and strangers who happen to comment on something you were just thinking about. Even your enemies demonstrate such friendship by forcing you to take a position, drop a particular activity, or gain clarity about who and what you truly desire. And if you’re fortunate, one day, one such friend will show up in a way that let’s you know beyond doubt that you’ve found your teacher.

~Susan Piver

Ajahn Brahm | The door of my heart

"The door of my heart will always be open to you, no matter what you did, who you are."
~ Ajahn Brahm

Instructions for Forgiveness Meditation

From Tricycle, taken from Ezra Bayda’s new book, Beyond Happiness, The Zen Way to True Contentment

Step One—Remorse
See if you can get in touch with the remorse of going against your own heart—that by holding onto resentment you are hurting yourself more than the other person is hurting you.

Step Two—Resistance
Picture the person you feel resentment toward and try to breathe their image into the area in the center of the chest. If you feel resistance, don't try to force it; just stay with the physical experience of resistance as long as it takes for the resistance to soften. This might take numerous occasions of doing the forgiveness meditation for this softening to begin to happen.

Step Three—Surrender
Ask yourself: Can I surrender to what is? Whatever you are feeling—whether it is hurt, anger, resentment, bitterness, or fear—try to stay with the physical experience of the emotion. Label any strong thoughts that arise, but keep coming back to the body over and over. Gradually try to breathe the painful feelings into the center of the chest on the inbreath, until they can rest there without struggle. This step may also take a fair number of practice sessions.

Step Four—Forgiveness
Silently say the words of forgiveness.

[Say the person's name],
I forgive you.
I forgive you for what you have done,
Whether intentionally or unintentionally,
From which I experienced pain.

I forgive you,
Because I know that what you did
Came from your own pain.

Return to this meditation as many times as you need to until the words of forgiveness come forth naturally from the heart. At that time, the words are no longer tools to help nurture forgiveness—they are simply a verbal expression of your genuine openhearted compassion.

Forgiveness

From Chapter 14 of Ezra Bayda’s new book, Beyond Happiness, The Zen Way to True Contentment:

Perhaps one of the commonest places we get stuck, and consequently one of the places that most prevents happiness, is in holding onto resentments. If there is even one person that we can't forgive, it closes our hearts in bitterness and will prevent us from experiencing the equanimity of genuine happiness.

Forgiveness is actually an inherent quality of the awakened heart. Unfortunately, it doesn't come to us naturally; it is hard work! Consider how tenaciously we hold on to being right when we feel that someone has done us wrong, even when that stance obviously brings us unhappiness. During my first marriage, my former wife and I got into a typical power struggle, where we both dug in and held on to our grudges. Even after our divorce I found it hard to give up my resentments, and although we maintained a friendly relationship, there was often a little edge to our conversations.

However, when it became obvious to me that in holding on to my resentments I was really hurting myself, I started doing a forgiveness meditation. What amazed me was how much resistance there was to even entertaining the idea of forgiving her. Part of the meditation was to picture her and try to breathe her image into the heart area, but each time I tried, I was met with a visceral "no"—as if pushing her away. Fortunately, the meditation was structured to allow for this resistance; the instruction was to stay present with the physical feeling of "no," rather than trying to jump over it.

Over time, as the resistance softened, I was able to feel the layers of anger and hurt—emotions that were the direct result of the expectations that were present when I entered into the relationship. In fact, these were expectations I wasn't even aware of at the time, and when they weren't met, I felt betrayed, resentful, and bitter. I also believed strongly that my reactions were justified. Yet, as I became more aware of the story line of beliefs and emotions that held my resentments in place, and as I was able to stay with my own pain without blaming her for it, the dark cloud began to lift. At that point it was easier to breathe her image into the heart area and also to extend forgiveness, because it was so clear that she never intended to hurt me. When I could see clearly that the resentment and the power struggle arose from our mutual blindness and hurt, forgiveness came forth naturally.

Although it took us many years of fumbling and stumbling to get to this place, in the end we were both able give up our resentments completely. By the time she died a few years ago we had come to truly love each other as friends, something that would never have been possible if we hadn't learned what it takes to truly forgive one another.

I heard the Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield tell a story about a golfer who was awarded a check for winning a tournament, and when he was walking to the parking lot a woman came up to him and told him a heart-wrenching story about her sick child. She told him that if the child didn't get help soon, he would die. The golfer promptly signed his check over to the woman. A month later one of the golfer's buddies told him that he heard about what happened in the parking lot and that he also heard that the woman was a con artist and didn't even have a sick child. The golfer replied, "That's the best news I've heard in a long time—a child isn't going to die."

The golfer obviously did not get caught in the fear of betrayal that would have led him to feel mistreated, and to consequently harbor resentment toward the woman. If he had taken the path of bitterness, no doubt many people would have agreed with him. But instead, he was able to listen to the voice of the heart, the heart that is naturally concerned with the welfare of others, rather than the hard-hearted habit of holding grudges.

It may be easy for us to be kind, and also forgiving, when life is going well. But it's only when life gets difficult that the depth of our spiritual practice is revealed. For our kindness to be real, it can't depend on how others treat us, or on how we feel at any given moment. Truthfully, when we feel mistreated, kindness is often the farthest thing from our minds and hearts. Yet, for genuine happiness to be possible, we ultimately have to go to that deep place within us where true kindness and forgiveness can be accessed. This means we must attend to whatever blocks access to our hearts.

Death is real

Death is a very real experience. Usually, we do not connect with a sense of reality. If we have an accident—or whatever happens in our lives—we do not regard it as a real experience, even though it may hurt us. It is real to us as far as pain and physical damages are concerned, but still it’s not real for us because we immediately look at it in terms of how it could be otherwise. There’s always the idea of first aid or some other redeeming aspect of the situation. If you’re talking to a dying friend or relative, you should transmit the idea that death is a real experience, rather than that it’s just a joke and the person could get better. We should help the dying person to understand that death is real.

from “Death and the Sense of Experience” in Crazy Wisdom, pages 137 to 138

Consider what is important

Remember when I said 2011 starts off crappy? It just gets worse.

Last week a friend of mine lost his hearing in one ear. The doctors did an MRI and they found a tumour in his brain. I don't know what to say to him. He's one of those guys that has always been sweet to me, and protective of me. Now he has this condition, and I don't know the first thing to say to comfort him.

Advice for Today

‎"One slant on practice is, when you get stuck in your relationship, along with looking at your expectations, try to really see what fear is present. A simple question you can ask is, "What is the Fear?" What am I afraid of? Usually we don't ask this. If we're angry we're just angry and we think that's the sum total of it. 99% of the time when we're angry what's really going on is that we're afraid."

~ Ezra Bayda

Hurt by Christina Aguilera

Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you

Random Stuff I remember from "Eat, Pray, Love"

Instructions for freedom:

1. Life's metaphors are God's instructions.
2. You have just climbed up and above the roof, there is nothing between you and the Infinite; now, let go.
3. The day is ending, it's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now, let go.
4. Your wish for resolution was a prayer. You being here is God's response, let go and watch the stars came out, in the inside and in the outside.
5. With all your heart ask for Grace and let go.
6. With all your heart forgive him, forgive yourself and let him go.
7. Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering then, let go.
8. Watch the heat of day pass into the cold night, let go.
9. When the Karma of a relationship is done, only Love remains. It's safe, let go.
10. When the past has passed from you at last, let go... then, climb down and begin the rest of your life with great joy.

Live It

"You don't know about real loss, 'cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you. I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid."

Saw this clip from the movie "Good Will Hunting" earlier today. It struck me how true the message is - we can be brilliant and read everything that was ever written about a subject - but nothing beats truly living the experience. I can quote all the love songs and love stories in the world - but it means nothing until you truly, deeply fall in love. You open your heart and soul to someone, put yourself in absolute and complete vulnerability.

I never knew love could make me so afraid.

If I asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet, but you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes.

Sean: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny... on every art book ever written. Michelangelo? You know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations. Him and the pope. Sexual orientation. The whole works, right? I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seeing that. If I ask you about women, you'll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman... and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. I ask you about war, you'd probably ah throw Shakespeare at me, right? "Once more into the breach, dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap... and watched him gasp his last breath lookin' to you for help. If I asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet, but you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feelin' like God put an angel on Earth just for you, who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her be there forever. Through anything. Through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleepin' sittin' up in a hospital room... for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes... that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you. I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius, Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine. You ripped my fuckin' life apart. You're an orphan, right? Do you think that I'd know the first thing about how hard your life has been - how you feel, who you are - because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don't give a shit about all that, because - You know what? I can't learn anything from you... I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you wanna talk about you, who you are. And I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't wanna do that, do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

MUSING | What is Practice

I'm reading Ezra Bayda's At Home in the Muddy Water: A Guide to Finding Peace within Everyday Chaos at the moment. I'm on the chapter that asks, "What is Practice?" and there's a few answers to that. Here's a few that I wrote down this morning:

• Practice is about moving from a life of emotional upset toward a life of equanimity.


• Practice is about the clash between what we want and what is.


• Practice is about appreciating our preferences without making demands.

Life challenges us. Things happen the way we do not want them to - your boss is a micro-managing, abusive asshole, people you care about die, people betray you, your friend has cancer, you don't have enough money, you may be losing your job.

I don't have the answers to all of life's questions. This is something we have to walk through ourselves, to accept that things are what they are - instead of how we wish them to be, and work from there.

That takes courage. Lately I don't feel very brave. But someone told me being brave isn't about being fearless. It's about feeling the fear, but you do it anyway.

So they tell me.

I'm learning to breathe again. It's difficult, because lately there's been so much going on that it feels like a stone is constantly sitting on my chest.

This too will pass, they say.

So I am just sitting, and breathing. And trying not to react in a knee-jerk way. Trying to breathe and try to find some kind of space. Maybe this is an illusion too. Maybe there is no ground to stand on.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.