Saturday, December 20, 2008

BOOKS | 13 for 2009

I have been doing the 100 Books To Read list for the past few years. I have decided I shall skip the 100 Books To Read challenge in 2009 and work on something more manageable. Like 13.

Why 13? Because it's prime. (Really, what did you expect me to say?)

The List of 13 for 2009 (which is more like a guideline than a list set in stone):

  1. Arabian Sands, Wilfred Thesiger
  2. ~ Started on it. Hope to finish it this year.
  3. Drood, Dan Simmons
  4. ~ Started on the ARC sent by the publisher.
  5. My Fantoms,Théophile Gautier

  6. Victorine, Maude Hutchins
  7. ~ They claim she writes like an American Colette.
  8. The Travels of Ibn Battutah, edited by Tim Mackintosh-Smith

  9. Yemen, Tim Mackintosh-Smith

  10. The Great War for Civilisation, Robert Fisk
  11. ~ I need to read up on the politics and history of the Middle East.
  12. A Book of Silence, Sara Maitland

  13. The Eight, Katherine Neville
  14. ~ This is actually an old title. It was apparently The Da Vinci Code of its time, and it involves secret society and a chess set. It's the mysterious chess set that piqued my interest.
  15. The Girl Who Played with Fire, Stieg Larsson
  16. ~ I enjoyed the first book, which deserved all the publicity it garnered. Hope the second book will not disappoint.
  17. A Dance with Dragons (Song of Ice and Fire), George R.R. Martin
  18. ~ I was talking to one of my publishers last month about the book. Either of us are that hopeful that GRRM can produce the manuscript before the end of the year. But I have waited a long time for it. I hope it happens.
  19. Cyteen: Regenesis, C.J. Cherryh
  20. ~ The sequel to Cyteen, which I re-read in 2008. I wrote an email to C.J. Cherryh when I was 20. (It was the first time I ever wrote a letter to an author I admire. I was so geeky.) I asked if there will be a sequel to Cyteen, because the story ended on a spectacular cliff-hanger and I need to find out what happens next. I was absolutely thrilled when Cherryh wrote back to tell me it will happen. She just needs to write it.

    I have waited more than a decade for this sequel to be written, and come January 2009, the hardcover will be published.

    Have any of you ever waited this long for a book to be published?

  21. TBC

Other titles under consideration:

  1. Other Colours, Orhan Pamuk

  2. The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher, Kate Summerscale

  3. Acedia & Me, Kathleen Norris

  4. Child 44, Tom Rob Smith

  5. In the Woods, Tana French

  6. Revolutionary Road, Richard Yates

  7. 2666, Roberto Bolano

  8. Shadow Country, Peter Matthiessen

  9. A Fine and Private Place, Peter S. Beagle

Friday, December 19, 2008

2008 IN REVIEW | My Life and Books

This year has been disruptive: I had an operation, I moved to a new country for a job that overwhelms me most of the time. I have less time to read. I lost access to my personal library - or a decent library of any kind. I can buy books, yes, but I always ask myself: how am I going to bring the books home?

My life in Dubai is one I am not used to: I am constantly reminded of how I do not belong, how I am not here to stay. A simple decision to buy furniture leads to the question of: What are we going to do with it when we leave? This is why we have a relatively spartan apartment. We are avoiding being tied down by heavy furniture. It's hard to feel at home in this city when that's the mindset I have. Home is about being settled, about stillness. Internally I am still not at ease.

If anything, 2008 is a year that keeps reminding me of how things are never what we expect them to be. I was just thinking about this last night when I read what struck Ovidia during a talk she attended - about moving "beyond our static preconceptions to respond to novelty & the unexpected." It sums up what 2008 feels like to me - a year's worth of lessons in having my plans disrupted, and learning to adapt and work without.

It is difficult. I am only just coming to terms with the reality that I will not be able to make it home next February for Chinese New Year or the Ani DiFranco Singapore concert. But we'll see - nothing is what I expect anyway. So maybe something will change along the way.

Meanwhile, here is my 2008 Reading in review:

Number of Books Read: 34 (2007 - 51 Read)

Books in Translation: 3 (1 Swedish, 2 French)
Re-readings: 1 (Cyteen)

100 Books To Read:  18/100 (2007 - 24/100; 2006 - 44 /100)

Non-Fiction:

Interestingly, I read 14 non-fiction titles this year. I read more essays collections - and in particular, I have started reading more food writings. I have grown quite fond of Ruth Reichl's writing - because she adds a dash of charm and a personal, emotional connection with her subject. She is also quite funny.

Travel writing - I read a few authors for the first time this year: Patrick Leigh Fermor and Colin Thubron - all wonderful writers. The writer who stands out most however, is Colin Thubron. Shadow of the Silk Road was a good blend of history and culture, but surprisingly, Thubron keeps himself in the background a lot of the time. He seems to be a writer who listens a lot, and who has this ability to get his subjects to talk about themselves no matter where he goes.

I need to read more Rebecca Solnit. But all my Rebecca Solnit books are at home. :(

Best Read of 2008:

I'm a little self-conscious about making a claim for "Best Read of 2008", because if you check out the list of books I read this year, it's only a modest 34, and I doubt I will finish anything before the end of the year. But there are some interesting reads among the 34 titles.

My most enjoyable fiction read for 2008 is The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I am awfully cynical the media hype behind books most of the time, but sometimes, I get curious. The tattooed-hacker protagonist of the title is an intriguing character. She is obviously smarter and more observant than most people, yet too vulnerable to live in the real world. The book itself is character-driven and I found myself looking forward to coming back every night to continue reading. I am definitely going to read the sequel, The Girl Who Played With Fire next year.

A notable mention for Falconer: an astonishing story about disillusion, and finding redemption in the oddest of places: prison.

This is brief. I guess because I am still struggling with 2008, and it is going to take a while before I can reflect on the year with any kind of insight.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

MUSIC MEME | Randomness

1. Put your iTunes (or any other media player you may have) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Skinny Love" - Bon Iver

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Anyway But Here"  k.d. lang

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"I'm You" - Leona Lewis

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Fingers" - Pink

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"The Air That I Breathe" - k.d. lang

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"It Was You" - Sharleen Spiteri

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"Sunday Morning" - Velvet Underground

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"The Blower's Daughter" - Damien Rice

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"The Remainder" - Sleater-Kinney

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Mississippi Goddam" - Nina Simone

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Mandy Goes to Med School" - Dresden Dolls

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Don't Dwell" - Tracy Chapman

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"The Consequences of Falling" - k.d. lang

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Fallen from the Sky" - Glen Hansard

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Number One Enemy" - The Slits

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Home" - Persephone's Bees

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"The Summer Wind" - Madeleine Peyroux

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Before Easter" - Tracy Chapman

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Just One of Those Things" - Patricia Barber

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Blue and Gold Print" - Mates of State

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"Falling Slowly" - Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Come Ye" - Nina Simone

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"The Sound of White" - Missy Higgins

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Hop a Plane" - Tegan and Sara

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"I Don't Want to Wait" - Paula Cole

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Scarred" - Johnette Napolitano

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Ridiculous Thoughts" - The Cranberries

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Here No More" - The Breeders

Monday, December 15, 2008

MONDAY LYRICS | Full of Grace

This post is dedicated to Elaine and Serene.

We go down memory lane to our fourth year in the university. The local TV station was screening Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was the season that Buffy and Angel consummated their relationship, and in the process, Angel lost his soul. (Long story. It involves a gypsy curse) Without his soul, Angel reverted to his evil vampire self – Angelus, the demon with the angelic face.

Angelus is a sadist who enjoys tormenting his victims before he finishes them off. He was obsessed with Buffy, because he remembers how Buffy made him feel when he still had a soul – he felt human – and the residual feelings repulsed him.

He stalked the slayer and her friends, terrorising them. Eventually he did kill one of Buffy’s friends, Ms Jenny Calendar, who was a gypsy from the clan that laid the curse on Angelus. Yet in spite everything, Buffy still loves Angel; she could not bring herself to fight the monster that wears her lover’s face. It was heart-wrenching, watching the passion play that is the Buffy and Angel love story.

We loved every minute of it.

Every Wednesday evening, Serene, Elaine and I will be in front of our TVs watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Sometimes during commercial breaks, either Serene or I will be on the phone with Elaine, and we would discuss the story, or just to say, “Oh my god!” to each other. Because we love the show, and we needed to share it with someone who understands just how great Buffy is.

We were fourth year students in the university. Technically we were adults. We could have used our time more constructively, no doubt. We could have studied more, or we could have spent the time working on our graduating thesis.

It was just more fun to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The season reaches its climax when Angelus decides he wants to open the gate of hell into this dimension. Angelus’ blood is the key to open the gate of hell, Angelus’ blood is the key to close it. Buffy has to stop Angelus before he can open the gate of hell. Failing that, she will have to close the gate, which will send Angelus to hell in the process.

So Buffy goes off to the dramatic show-down with Angelus. She told herself she was ready, she told herself that there is nothing left of the Angel she loves. Except, unknown to her, Buffy’s friends are elsewhere trying a spell that will return Angel’s soul back to him.

Buffy and Angelus duelled with swords. Right when Buffy was about to end it all, Angel’s soul was returned to his body. It took a moment, but Buffy saw the light of her love in Angel’s eyes. Suddenly there was hope again. He did not remember anything about the few months when he lost his soul, only that it feels like he had not seen Buffy for ages, and he loves her.

But it was too late. The gate of hell is opening behind Angel; there was only one way to end it. So with a kiss, a Judas Kiss, she tells Angel she loves him before stabbing him with her sword. The gate closes, sucking Angel into the hell dimension in the process.

The world was saved. The next day everyone showed up at school, wondering where was Buffy. None of them knew the sacrifice Buffy had to make; she had sent the man she loves to hell. The world was saved yes, but at what personal cost? Alone, with the pain she couldn’t share, Buffy left home. Cue soundtrack.

The producers found the perfect voice to match that closing scene. I was arrested by that song, that startlingly, shimmering voice. Regretfully, I did not know the singer. I only know through that one Buffy song that she sings with a voice full of heartaches: “I know I could love you much better than this”

Later, Serene printed the lyrics to that song. She pinned it up in the Lit Honours room. That day I found out the Buffy song was “Full of Grace”.

That was my introduction to Sarah McLachlan.

FULL OF GRACE
The winter here is cold, & bitter
It's chilled us to the bone,
I haven’t seen the sun for weeks,
Too long, too far from home.
I feel just like I’m sinking,
And I claw for solid ground,
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And oh darkness I feel like letting go.

If all the of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place,
I know I can love you much better than this,
Full of grace,
Full of grace,
My love.

It's better this way, I say,
Having seen this place before,
Where everything we say and do,
Hurts us all the more.
It’s just that we stayed, too long,
In the same old sickly skin,
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And oh darkness I feel like letting go.
If all of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place,
I know I could love you much better than this,
Full of grace.

I know I can love you much better than this,
It’s better this way.


Sunday, December 14, 2008

BOOKS | Ten Commandments of Book Giving

Books do make the best gifts. The problem is, most of my friends refuse to give me more books. Some of my friends feel it encourages an addiction ;p

Most of my friends avoid giving me books because I work in a bookstore. I am probably one of the worst person to buy a book for: What if I already have a copy, or I end up not liking the book?

So contradictory to expectations, I rarely get book-gifts. Christmas and birthdays are usually spent hanging out with my friends. While I love book-gifts as much as the next book-geek, there is the other kind of gift that I cherish more than books - time with my friends, and the reminder that they love me.

I still like to receive books as presents. People just refuse to buy me books. *whine*

Book giving is an art - because your choice says something about you as much as it says something about your opinion of the other party. Here, Michael Dirda offers his Ten Commandments of Book Giving. I love Commandment #9:

Support the midlist. Many good novelists, most poets and nearly all scholars sell only a few thousand copies of their books, if they're lucky. Blockbuster titles and brand-name authors will always be with us, but the books that matter in the long run, the books that will truly speak to our very innermost being, can easily be overlooked. Browse through the fiction shelves. Pause at the poetry section. Buy a few of these books, and you'll be a patron of the arts.

Yes, avoid the bestsellers. The mega-selling authors are rich enough. Make your gift count for something.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Yet Another Reason to Love Ellen Page

The Lunchbox Auction is an initiative where celebrities design lunchboxes and put them up for bid.

Here's the lunchbox designed by Ellen Page:

As though I need any more reason to love this quirky girl! :)

DUBAI | My writing space

For Serene - a post of my writing space. It's spartan, yes. But what do we really need to write? For the last 3 months I had little internet access, so there is little distraction on the laptop. Oh, and did I mention for the last 3 months, we have no access to the TV channels?

I know there are people who needs to be in a comfort zone before they can write. This spartan space however, helps me think more quietly. I would start drafts on my laptop on anything I wish to talk about. From time to time I edit or expand on the drafts until I feel that they are fit to post. Then it's just a matter of getting wifi to post it on the blog.

I also spend my free time reading at this table (that position has the best lighting in the apartment). Meals are also taken here. 

It's a busy table. 

Friday, December 12, 2008

100 Books To Read 2008 Version 2.2

This an aspirational list - the key is just to try to read as many as I can.



  1. Arabian Sands • Wilfred Thesiger
    [21/11/2008 ~

  2. With Billie • Julia Blackburn
    [07/11/2008 ~

  3. The Name of the Rose • Umberto Eco
    [translated by William Weaver]
    [03/09/2008 ~

  4. The Idiot • Fyodor Dostoevsky
    [translated by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky]
    [11/07/2008 ~

  5. The Histories • Herodotus
    [24/04/2007 ~

  6. The Surgeon's Mate • Patrick O'Brian
    [18/04/2008 ~

  7. The Open Road: The Global Journey of the Fourteenth Dalai Lama • Pico Iyer
    [11/04/2008~

  8. Touchstone • Laurie R. King
    [08/04/2008 ~

  9. The Stress of Her Regard • Tim Powers
    [07/04/2008 ~

  10. A Voice From the Attic: Essays on the Art of Reading • Robertson Davies
    [13/11/2007 ~

  11. Seduction and Betrayal • Elizabeth Hardwick
    [17/03/2008 ~

  12. Weight • Jeanette Winterson

  13. The Looking Glass Wars • Frank Beddor

  14. Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers • Leonard Koren

  15. The Neverending Story • Michael Ende

  16. The Collected Tales of Nikolai Gogol
    [translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky]

  17. The Worst Journey in the World • Apsley Cherry-Garrard

  18. War and Peace • Leo Tolstoy
    [translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky]
    [01/01/2008 ~

  19. 三国演义 • 罗 贯 中
    [26/12/2007 ~

  20. In Search of Lost Time Marcel Proust
    Swann's Way
    In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower
    The Guermantes Way
    Sodom and Gomorrah

    The Prisoner & The Fugitive
    [Translated by Carol Clark & Peter Collier]
    [26/11/2007 ~
    Finding Time Again
    [Translated by Ian Paterson]

  21. Kristin Lavransdatter • Sigrid Undset
    [Translated by Tiina Nunnally]
    [27/08/2007 ~

  22. The Three Musketeers• Alexandre Dumas
    [Translated by Richard Pevear]

  23. The Book of Disquiet • Fernando Pessoa

  24. Good Morning, Midnight • Jean Rhys

  25. After Leaving Mr. Mackenzie • Jean Rhys

  26. Orlando • Virginia Woolf

  27. The Napoleon of Notting Hill • G.K. Chesterton

  28. Rebecca • Daphne Du Maurier

  29. Jane Eyre • Charlotte Bronte

  30. The Masterpiece • Emile Zola

  31. The Plague • Albert Camus

  32. The Myth of Sisyphus • Albert Camus

  33. Cheri and The Last of Cheri • Colette

  34. Earthly Paradise • Colette

  35. Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette • Judith Thurman
    [09/12/2006 ~

  36. Flaubert In Egypt • Gustave Flaubert

  37. Bel-Ami • Guy de Maupassant

  38. Gargantua and Pantagruel • François Rabelais [translated by M. A. Screech]

  39. Assassin's Apprentice (The Farseer Trilogy, Book I) • Robin Hobb

  40. Royal Assassin (The Farseer Trilogy, Book II) • Robin Hobb

  41. Assassin's Quest (The Farseer Trilogy, Book III) • Robin Hobb

  42. A Canticle for Liebowitz • Walter M. Miller Jr.

  43. Slow River • Nicola Griffith

  44. In Praise of Shadows • Junichiro Tanizaki

  45. Vermeer In Bosnia: Selected Writings • Lawrence Weschler

  46. Out of Sheer Rage: Wrestling With D.H. Lawrence • Geoff Dyer

  47. Pashazade [Arabesk Trilogy Book I] • Jon Courtenay Grimwood

  48. Effendi [Arabesk Trilogy Book II] • Jon Courtenay Grimwood

  49. Felaheen [Arabesk Trilogy Book III] • Jon Courtenay Grimwood

  50. Fledgling • Octavia E. Butler

  51. The Ionian Mission • Patrick O'Brian

  52. Under the Volcano • Malcolm Lowry

  53. Love Medicine • Louise Erdrich

  54. Molloy • Samuel Beckett

  55. Love • Stendhal

  56. The Red and the Black • Stendhal

  57. The Charterhouse of Parma • Stendhal

  58. Walden and Other Writings • Henry David Thoreau

  59. Essential Writings • Ralph Waldo Emerson

  60. The Twelve Caesars • Suetonius

  61. Candide • Voltaire

  62. Arctic Dreams: Imagination and Desire in a Northern Landscape • Barry Lopez

  63. The Little Prince • Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  64. An Unexpected Light • Jason Elliot

  65. The Carpet Wars • Christopher Kremmer

  66. The Shadow of the Sun • Ryszard Kapuscinski

  67. The Places in Between • Rory Stewart

  68. The Power and the Glory • Graham Greene

  69. The Heart of the Matter • Graham Greene

  70. The Solace of Open Spaces • Gretel Ehrlich

  71. A Match to the Heart: One Woman's Story of Being Struck By Lightning • Gretel Ehrlich

  72. Bleak House • Charles Dickens

  73. The Iliad • Homer

  74. Three Bags Full • Leonie Swann

  75. The Stones of Florence and Venice Observed • Mary McCarthy

  76. Venice • Jan Morris

  77. Darkmans • Nicola Barker

  78. The Married Man • Edmund White

  79. The Salterton Trilogy • Robertson Davies

  80. The Leopard • Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa

  81. • Jorge Luis Borges


  82. Ghosts of Spain • Giles Tremlett

  83. Storming the Gates of Paradise: Landscapes for Politics • Rebecca Solnit
    [26/04/2008 ~ 13/08/2008]

  84. Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly • Anthony Bourdain
    [27/05/2008 ~ 11/07/2008]

  85. Into Thin Air • Jon Krakauer
    [03/01/2008 ~ 12/01/2008]

  86. The Wild Places • Robert Macfarlane
    [12/01/2008 ~ 26/01/2008]

  87. Cyteen • C. J. Cherryh
    [29/12/2007 ~ 01/02/2008]

  88. Shadow of the Silk Road • Colin Thubron
    [21/01/2008 ~ 26/02/008]

  89. A Time to Keep Silence • Patrick Leigh Fermor
    [10/02/2008 ~ 02/03/2008]

  90. Cleopatra's Nose: 39 Varieties of Desire • Judith Thurman
    [16/02/2008 ~ 20/03/2008]

  91. The High King (Chronicles of Prydain, Book V) • Lloyd Alexander
    [24/03/2008 ~ 24/03/2008]

  92. Taran Wanderer (Chronicles of Prydain, Book IV) • Lloyd Alexander
    [23/03/2008 ~ 24/03/2008]

  93. The Castle of Llyr (Chronicles of Prydain, Book III) • Lloyd Alexander
    [22/03/2008 ~ 23/03/2008]

  94. The Black Cauldron (Chronicles of Prydain, Book II) • Lloyd Alexander
    [21/03/2008 ~ 22/03/2008]

  95. The Book of Three (Chronicles of Prydain, Book I) • Lloyd Alexander
    [21/03/2008 ~ 21/03/2008]

  96. The Strangers in the House • Georges Simenon
    [Translated by Geoffrey Sainsbury]
    [22/03/2008 ~ 24/03/2008]

  97. Monsieur Monde Vanishes • Georges Simenon
    [Translated by Jean Stewart]
    [24/03/2008 ~ 05/04/2008]

  98. The Riddle-Master's Game • Patricia A. McKillip
    The Riddle-Master of Hed
    [24/03/2008 ~ 05/04/2008]
    Heir of Sea and Fire
    [05/04/2008 ~ 06/04/2008]
    Harpist in the Wind
    [06/04/2008 ~ 07/04/2008]

  99. The Fortune of War • Patrick O'Brian
    [23/03/2008 ~ 16/04/2008]

  100. Falconer • John Cheever
    [16/04/2008 ~ 22/04/2008]


Alternatives (What a lot of them!):
  • Her Smoke Rose Up Forever • James Tiptree, Jr.
    • Between the Woods and the Water: On Foot to Constantinople: From The Middle Danube to the Iron Gates • Patrick Leigh Fermor

    • The Marsh Arabs • Wilfred Thesiger

    • House Rules • Heather Lewis

    Finally! Internet at home

    Finally! After 3 months n Dubai, we finally have internet access at home! Okay, I finally bullied H, my housemate into going down to sign up for home internet and TV. We were both too busy at work and too tired on our off-days to do it.

    Now I can finally catch up on replying to all your comments, as well as rejoin the blogsphere as a reader who comments, not just lurk.

    I just watched a new episode of House online. I am so happy!

    Tuesday, December 09, 2008

    MONDAY LYRICS | Prayer of St. Francis

    (Yes, I know, this is late)

    Instead of just the lyrics this Monday, let’s talk about the first time I heard this song by Sarah McLachlan. This might not make sense if you’re not familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer though.

    Each season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ends with Buffy battling the Big Bad – in Season 1 it was the Master, in Season 2 it was Angelus and so on.

    In Season 6 (or was that Season 7? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to fact-check) of the series the writers change the direction for the season finale. They made three losers the “villains” of the season. They were pathetic, all their dastardly plans failed, and they were often the clowns of the series – until one of them came after Buffy with a gun. Buffy was shot, and a second stray bullet killed Tara.

    The death of Tara was the trigger that took Willow over the edge. This was what the entire season arc was really leading up to – our favourite red-headed geek-witch as the Big Bad of Season 6: the Dark Willow. She was out to kill the three losers responsible and she will crush anyone who gets in her way. But before that, she went to the emergency room and pulled the bullet out of Buffy with her powers; Dark Willow could save Buffy, but not Tara. No magic in the world can bring Tara back, because she died by normal means – an ordinary bullet, from a gun, fired by a human. That is the way nature works, and Willow could not accept that.

    When Dark Willow went after the three losers, Buffy ran after her. Buffy wasn’t that concern about the losers – one of them did try to kill her afterall. But Buffy loved her friend: dear, sweet mousy Willow who was smart and cute and kind. Buffy was trying to prevent Willow from committing murder – because once she crossed that line, she will never be the same.

    But Buffy was too late. Dark Willow found the loser responsible for Tara’s death. She tied him up in the woods, drove a bullet into his flesh to make him feel the excruciating pain. The loser whined, begged, cursed, and Dark Willow, with a sigh: “Bored now” – flayed him.

    Flayed – as in tore the whole skin from his body. It was graphic and horrific, and that deed told Buffy that Willow was lost to them. She understood her duty now is to stop the Dark Willow that used to be her friend, who has decided she would try to end the world.

    Towards the end, when Dark Willow was raising a satanic cathedral that would end the world, it was not Buffy who came to the rescue. It was Xander who arrived. He told Willow he was sorry about Tara, he told Willow he loves her. He let her know that he still sees his best friend from kindergarten, who cried when she broke the yellow crayons. Xander, the loser with no power, saved the day. It could have been cheesy, but the scene was genuinely touching. Willow couldn’t kill her best friend, and she started pounding at him with her fists furiously, before finally allowing herself to break down. The source of Willow’s rage and hatred has been her deep, inconsolable grief. When she could finally cry, the dark magic lost their possession of Willow.

    Where was Buffy? She was stuck in a pit with her sister, with monsters that kept coming at them. When the dark magic lost control of Willow, the monsters in the pit stopped coming. Buffy climbed out of the pit with her sister. As the sisters stood in the daylight, wondering why the world did not end, nevertheless glad to be alive here and now with each other – Sarah McLachlan’s "Prayer of St. Francis" played as the closing theme of the season.

    It wasn’t strength, or supernatural power that saved the day. Buffy, the strongest of them all, was trapped with her sister, Dawn, in a deep pit full of monsters that kept coming at them. In the end she despaired. She knew her strength would eventually fail her, and Dawn will die with her; she wasn’t strong enough to protect them both.

    Willow was the most powerful witch in the western hemisphere (or was that the northern hemisphere? If I had my Buffy DVDs with me, I would check) – but she couldn’t save Tara.

    What Xander did was he looked beneath the violence and all that has come to pass. He put himself in harm’s way and spoke to the part of Willow that was grieving. He offered compassion and love in place of violence, because in the greater scheme of things, strength does not resolve violence or hatred. Only love and compassion can do that.

    Sarah McLachlan adapted the Prayer of St. Francis into a song. It is a simple but profound prayer, and when we combine it with the beauty of Sarah McLachlan’s vocals, it is sublime.

    The Prayer of St. Francis

    Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
    Where there is hatred let me sow love.
    Where there is injury, pardon.
    Where there is doubt, faith.
    Where there is despair, hope.
    Where there is darkness, light.
    And where there is sadness, joy.

    O divine master grant that I may
    not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
    to be understood as to understand;
    To be loved as to love
    For it is in giving that we receive-
    it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
    And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
    Amen


    As a song it is a short one, about 2 minutes. Nevertheless, I have played it over and over and never tired of it. Its message is universal: It is about humility: “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace” – a plea to serve, to be a vessel of love to the world. It asks of us to go against our lesser impulses, to return hatred with love, where there is injury, to offer pardon. For me, Prayer of St. Francis is yoga music.

    NOTE: “The Prayer of St. Francis” is available on Sarah McLachlan’s Rarities, B-Sides & Other Stuff: Vol. 2 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Soundtrack.

    Sunday, December 07, 2008

    Casting for a Music Biopic

    Following her role as Bella in "Twilight", Kirsten Stewart will play Joan Jett in the forthcoming rock bio-pic, "The Runaways". (News from Hollywood Reporter) This casting choice led Gil Kaufman to write about The Runaways.

    While I have Joan Jett on my iPod, I have to admit I'm not 100% on the music of the Runaways. They came together some time in the mid 1970s (I was born in 1976, sorry), and they were apparently one of the first successful all-girl rock band. The film will be based on an unpublished memoir by lead singer Cherie Currie, and "intends to bare all the drugs, sex and heartache experienced by girls who struggled to be viewed as musicians, not sex kittens with guitars." Before Sarah McLachlan and the Lilith Fair, these were young women who struggled to be taken seriously as musicians in the rock scene.

    "We certainly utilized to our advantage our image as teenage girls who wore titillating clothes," Jett told Daily Variety. "But we also became an excellent band and made it OK for girls to play rock 'n' roll. It got hard once people focused more on what we were wearing than what we were playing."

    I so want to watch this. I only hope the film will be a decent one.

    But back to the cast.

    I started paying attention to Kristen Stewart after watching her play Jodie Foster's daughter in "Panic Room". The teenage actress carried herself in the movie admirably, standing next to the limelight that is Jodie Foster. She felt like one of those young actress to watch, kind of like Ellen Page - a little out of place in the conventional Hollywood fare, but marketable enough to be successful and interesting at the same time.

    Now the question is, can Kirsten Stewart pull off the role of Joan Jett. Can she be the young rocker of The Runaways with the dark looks and bad hair, who went on to a successful and iconic solo career, and is still rocking at 50, looking like this:

    It will be one of the most challenging roles for young Kirsten Stewart. She's not just playing a singer. She's playing an icon of a sort. Kind of like if Ellen Page ever gets casted as Patti Smith (Not going to happen, I think)

    Meanwhile, Carrie Brownstein has asked her readers to nominate their casting choices for films on relatively obscure bands.

    I was pretty taken with the idea of Pink playing Janis Joplin, but lately I wonder if Leisha Hailey might make a better Janis.

    Philip Seymour Hoffman might make an interesting Black Francis in a Pixies biopic. We will need a great actress to play Kim Deal against him though. Somebody with enough exuberance and that right streak of antagonism.

    Saturday, December 06, 2008

    DUBAI | Lee Kuan Yew's Memoir

    Now available in Arabic. Herodotus the Bear is so proud.

    Recent update: Flickr

    BOOKS | Robertson Davies, On Self Help Books and More

    This post is written with the help of my reading notes from 20th November, 2007. I was in Hanoi that night, reading Robertson Davies’ A Voice From the Attic. I was on the chapter where Davies discussed Self-Help books, and I enjoyed myself so much that I took notes fervently.

    First, let us remind everyone that A Voice From the Attic was written in 1960, and Davies could only have known about the books published before then. It tells us that the Self-Help phenomena has been around a long time, and it is not just our generation that finds itself fodder for Self-Help publishing. In his essay, Davies mentioned a bestseller, Self-Help, With Illustrations of Character and Conduct, by author Samuel Smiles (really!) that was first published in 1859. Mr Smiles’ book sold 258,000 copies within the writer’s lifetime, which is an impressive figure. It also goes to illustrate something of the public reading taste back in the nineteenth century. (By the way, Mr Smiles’ book is available from the new range of Oxford World Classics. Why would OUP think it is a title worth keeping in print? I have no idea.)

    Davies also targets health books – and diet books. I was unaware that they have diet books back then, before the 1960s. I am suitably impressed that they had fat people back in those days.

    On diet books, Davies had this to say:

    A theologian, or merely a literary critic, reading many of these books quickly discovers their secret, which is an evangelistic one; they first of all bring about a powerful conviction of Sin, and then they offer Salvation

    Sin is fat. Perhaps it is Original Sin, to which you are born.

    Okay, I laughed when I read this. Davies is just being bitchy. But Davies has a point to make when he associates self-help (and diet books are a form of self-help in a manner) literature with religion. He seems to acknowledge that the reason people read self-help books is because of a “hungriness of heart”. The desire for self-help books springs from the same impulse that leads one to a spiritual path, but alas:

    We must pity the hungriness of heart which clamors for reassurance and wisdom, but which shrinks from religion and philosophy, either of which might, in different ways, fill their need and soothe their sorrow. Our age has robbed millions of the simplicity of ignorance, and has so far failed to lift them to the simplicity of wisdom.

    Davies lashes out against the vulgarity of many of these books. In many of them, he finds the vocabulary, whether religious or secular, is about getting something – the means to an end.

    It is astonishing to read again and again in these books by parsons phrases which suggests that religious faith is a type of investment. They insist that it “pays dividends.”

    (A tangential thought: the Knight Templars were the world’s first bankers, and they claimed they fought for God. I tend to disagree.)

    The hypocrisy of these books is obvious, at least to Davies:

    The secular books say the same things, and not in a strikingly different way. Great emphasis is laid on getting people to like you, and this is not mentioned as a possible consequence of good conduct, but as an end in itself. Being liked is important because it is a way of achieving success.

    But one wonders – how many, who reads and applies the teachings of these self-help gurus are self-aware enough to see this?

    Is success measured by prosperity and good fortune? Can one compel charisma and fortune? Of course, the attraction of these self-help books is that they convince us that we can will success into our lives. They mislead the readers by packaging their message in spiritual terms that to be rich and success is the same as being worthy in God’s eyes. On this point, Davies has much to say of the Reverend Dr Norman Vincent Peale. (Just an observation: Most of Peale’s books are still in print in various translations, while A Voice From the Attic is not. Make of this what you will)

    According to Davies, Peale claims the word “pastor” derives from a word meaning “a cure of souls” – Davies thought it derived from the Latin for a shepherd. (I vaguely recall Terry Pratchett writing that sheep are stupid and can be herded, while goats are intelligent and must be led. I think it was from Small Gods – can somebody help me?)

    Can God or Fate be bribed? That seems to be one of Davies’ many questions. Certainly many people seem to believe that. Remember, Peale is available in many, many languages around the world. A lot of people out there do buy his message.

    I do not believe Davies is totally against self-help books. Davies himself quoted Dr Johnson that books were trash unless they could help the readers “better to enjoy life or better to endure it”. Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus wrote canonical texts on self-improvement. What Robertson Davies find reprehensible is the debauching of philosophy, religion and things sacred and precious, to what at its core, is nothing more than a self-serving mission. Many self-help books offer little more than cheap, easy solutions, especially books which offer success founded on religious jargon. The grace of God is not a prescriptive thing: Do this, and riches and success will befall you.

    We cannot suppose that Smiles would approve of the self-help books which offer success founded on religion, for he would instantly spot them for what they are – delusive offerers of success founded on craft. Get God on your side and success is yours. God is not the rewarder of virtue, but the Genie in the Bottle, who comes when you utter the magic formula. We must deny that this is religion in any high sense.

    I agree: God is not our Sugar-Daddy. One should not be looking to religion for what God can offer you. I believe faith is about offering ourselves to something greater.

    I also believe what is truly asked of us in a spiritual practice is to do good, not for the sake of reward – but to do good for its own sake. Sometimes, it might even mean we have to suffer for the sake of doing what is right and good. Maybe this is why so many of us stumble on our spiritual journey.

     

    Tuesday, December 02, 2008

    Arabian Sands

    Life as I know it right now is: Work – Home – Late Dinner – Working at Home – Sleep – and the cycle begins the next morning. My yoga practice has been sorely neglected, although I still manage to read a little a few nights every week.

    I have been reading The Prisoner and The Fugitive the past few weeks. In spite of my good intentions, I doubt I will be able to finish the Proustian epic before the end of 2008.

    Instead, I left Marcel aside for the moment and picked up Wilfred Thesiger’s Arabian Sands. 2010 will be the centenary of Thesiger’s birth.

    Thesiger was born in the capital of Abyssinia, Addis Ababa. He was educated at Eton and Oxford, where he boxed his way to a degree. He was also a great explorer who spent five years exploring the ‘Empty Quarter’ of Arabia, living among the Bedu people. He wore their clothes, ate what they ate, lived their daily challenge of hunger and thirst, walked long marches under the ruthless sun. 

    From the Prologue of Arabian Sands:

    A cloud gathers, the rain falls, men live; the cloud disperses without rain, and men and animals die. In the deserts of southern Arabia there is no rhythm of the seasons, no rise and fall of sap, but empty wastes where only the changing temperature marks the passage of the year. It is a bitter, desiccated land which knows nothing of gentleness or ease. Yet men have lived there since earliest times. Passing generations have left fire-blackened stones at camping sites, a few faint tracks polished on the gravel plains. Elsewhere the winds wipe out their footprints. Men live there because it is the world into which they were born; the life they lead is the life their forefathers led before them; they accept hardships and privations; they know no other way. Lawrence wrote in Seven Pillars of Wisdom, ‘Bedouin ways were hard, even for those brought up in them and for strangers terrible: a death in life.’ No man can live this life and emerge unchanged. He will carry, however faint, the imprint of the desert, the brand which marks the nomad; and he will have within him the yearning to return, weak or insistent according to his nature. For this cruel land can cast a spell which no temperate clime can match.

    Can you tell I am enthralled?

    Sunday, November 30, 2008

    Proust in Hanoi

    [The picture was taken in the Green Tangerine restaurant in Hanoi.]

    I was looking through the stamps on my passport recently, and it showed that during November last year, I was in Hanoi, Vietnam. I remember the books I brought with me to Hanoi, among them Proust's Sodom and Gomorrah, which I eventually finished reading.

    It's amazing how we end up in places we least expect. This time last year, I was supposed to be in Laos, but I ended up in Hanoi because of some unforeseen circumstances. Same time last year, I had not thought I would be living and working in this city of the United Arab Emirates. I had been thinking about other things, some of which seem irrelevant today.

    One thing though: this time last year I thought I could finish reading the Proustian epic. That plan has not yet come to pass. *sigh*

    FAQs About Working in a Bookstore

    “Do you like working in a bookstore?”

    This is one of the FAQs people ask when they meet me for the first time. I guess it is a fair question when you are trying to get to know somebody. Our job is often an important part of our identity – but I hope to be someone who is more than my job.

    I have been working in the same bookstore the past seven years. Working in a bookstore, to be a book person, is an important part of my life – but it is not the whole of my life. I have family, friends – people I love – I have a (somewhat recently neglected) yoga practice, and I have other interests outside of my workplace. I want to travel more, I want to learn more.

    “Besides working with books, Is there anything else you want to do?”

    This is a question I often ask myself; at the moment I have no answer. There is of course, the business side of the bookstore, which can be boring, technical and sometimes downright dirty. The business side of a bookstore means each time you order a book, there is a cost involved. A retailer has to monitor the boring side of business – freight, stock-turn, pilferage, profit and cost. Which is why in many bookstores, you see three hundred copies of The Secret, but probably not the first book written by a worthy but somewhat obscure writer. It takes money to invest in stock – which is a vulgar term for books, I know, but that is what it is in book retail: books are your stock.

    That is the nature of Business. A business has to stay profitable, because a store has to cover the overhead and pay the employees’ salary. To stay profitable, you often find yourself having to order truckloads of a title you may not always respect (The Secret, some of the titles recommended by Oprah, Mitch Albom titles, Chicken Soups for the Soul, Dan Brown and the multiple rip-offs, and of course, diet books – you have no idea how many diet and self-help books are released every year!)

    Then there is the other side of working in a bookstore. If you are lucky, you will have colleagues who share your love and respect of books and reading – and who are also good-hearted people that you can trust. These are the people who make coming to work every day a joy. Over the years, I was lucky to have met some colleagues who stayed friends after they left the workplace. (You know who you are)

    But from time to time, they ask me:

    “Why are you still here? You can easily earn more money elsewhere.”

    I wonder if I can ever explain to my friends, that in spite of all my complaints about the Management and office politics, I still love working in the bookstore. That in spite of all the frustrations, there is still enough love for the job to carry on.

    I am sure many of you know that experience: there is that one author, or that one title that you have been looking for. You can’t seem to find the book anywhere. Then one day you walk into a strange bookstore in a different part of town, and there is it – the one book you have been searching for all these time.

    Or – you wander into a bookstore: Every corner you turn there is something new and unknown to you on the shelves. Just wandering among the shelves becomes an adventure. You never want to leave.

    Somebody working in that bookstore made the decision on the type of books they carry. The people working in the bookstore determine what goes on the shelves, and what are left out – either deliberately or through ignorance and negligence. The bookstore is about the people working in it.

    Working in the bookstore means I get to be one of the people building the bookstore I want. To stay in this position I will need to make the kind of business decisions that keep the bookstore profitable. When the bookstore is profitable, the bookstore can then afford to keep the Robertson Davies or Barbara Pym in stock.

    “What do you like about working in a bookstore?”

    Right now I am in Dubai helping to set up a mega bookstore in Dubai. Most of our staff has no prior experience working in a bookstore this huge. They often come up to us for help, and we understand this is part of the training process.

    I found out recently that H has told her new staff that if there is anything they are unsure about the books, they can ask me; she told them I will be willing to help, that I would be willing to teach them. I just shrugged and said, “Okay.” I didn’t think much of it until a few days ago, when H was angry at some of our colleagues for their refusal to help. That was when I realise how H sees me: she did not have to ask – she knew I would help, especially with our Literature section, which I love.

    It is heart-warming to learn that someone sees you as helpful and willing to share knowledge, especially when you know how strong your self-serving impulses are. I believe H understands that the greatest reward about working in a bookstore is the sharing – whether it is just a casual conversation with a customer about a book, or imparting product knowledge to your new staff – when you are allowed to share your love and your passion with somebody, something positive is exchanged and you are happier for it.

    H told me the reason she likes working in a bookstore is that it allows her to share knowledge with so many people. She believes it is her mission as a Muslim to share and to educate. When she meets people who work selfishly and who withholds information for the sake of their petty politics, it drives her crazy. She believes information should be shared – and I can respect that.

    I love working in a bookstore. I love the books. I delight in the simple task of looking through a publisher catalogue. It’s the office politics and dubious management decisions that I hate. But office politics exist everywhere, and very few people can truly say they love their bosses. When I can get my mind around the little difficulties of working life, I have the best job in the world for somebody like me.

     "Have you read all the books in the bookstore?"

    Of course not. Would you want to go to a bookstore where you have read all the books on the shelves? That's part of the fun. As long as there is something left unread, there is always that element of adventure, of something still left undiscovered. 

    Sunday, November 16, 2008

    QUIZ |Dewey Decimal Section

    I am deeply disturbed. No f**king way.




    dark orpheus's Dewey Decimal Section:

    280 Christian denominations & sects

    dark orpheus = 41815868519 = 418+158+685+19 = 1280


    Class:
    200 Religion


    Contains:
    The Bible and other religious texts, books about the general philosophy and theory of religion.



    What it says about you:
    You don't mind thinking about the unknown or other very big ideas. You will never feel like your work is finished. The 200-series is dominated by Christian topics, so you may feel like you're constantly surrounded by Christians.

    Find your Dewey Decimal Section at Spacefem.com

    Friday, November 14, 2008

    DUBAI | Passport

    I had to fly out of Dubai recently for work. When I checked in at the airport, I found out that the travel agency screwed up and the people at the airport wouldn't let me check-in. As I was about to miss my flight, I found myself losing my cool and I was on the verge of strangling the idiot at the check-in counter for the delay. I behaved like an overbearing bastard as I demanded that they put me on the plane - it's not my problem some idiot didn't do his job properly.

    It was something of a breaking point; I was losing my patience with this country where nothing is certain and always subjected to change - and it's always your fault when somebody else screwed you up.

    Finally, Idiot Counter Guy referred me to an elegant lady in black with a stunning pair of turquoise-coloured eyes. You know the sort - butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

    Lady with the Turquoise Eyes asked, "What is the problem?" Idiot Counter Guy explained the situation to her, all the while avoiding my eyes completely.

    "Where are you from?" asked the Lady with the Turquoise Eyes. Then she glanced at my passport, and said matter-of-factly:

    "Singapoour? Ok. I approve it."

    My Singapore passport saved the day. People didn't respect me. But they respect the passport, the diplomatic clout it represents. I have never really appreciated the efforts made by our Ministry of Foreign Affairs until that day. We cannot divorce ourselves from the foreign policies and diplomatic relations established by our heads of state.

    This is what it means to be a citizen of a country.

    Thursday, November 13, 2008

    BOOKS | THE SOUL OF A CHEF

    The book-chats are suffering a little on this blog lately. What so often happens is that I would much rather use the time to read a new book, than take the time to plan and write something about a book I’ve just finished.

    But sometimes a book deserves to be talked about. Because it is that good, and more people should know about it. There are some books that deserve multiple posts – because they are just so interesting, there is so much to talk about. Then there is the question of whether your own literary ability can do the book justice; if you can’t say it well, better to say nothing at all, right?

    So much easier to just start a new book instead, isn’t it?

    Regardless, I’m going to try to write more on the books I’ve read. Let’s bring the book-chats back to this blog, shall we?

    I’ve just finished Michael Ruhlman’s The Soul of a Chef recently. For his earlier book, The Making of a Chef, Ruhlman went on assignment as a student of the Culinary Institute of America. The Soul of a Chef is his follow-up on culinary journalism – except this time his aim is to discover the truth about greatness.

    He ends his book trying to unravel the enigma behind the genius of Thomas Keller, from the French Laundry. It seems to me that in Thomas Keller, Ruhlman found the answer to his question of greatness.

    Keller is an interesting subject indeed. He is a chef deeply rooted in classical French cuisine, yet without any formal training. His culinary career was a string of unspectacular ventures, until he found the French Laundry.

    Ruhlman described Keller as a self-taught chef who had to “make the critical intellectual leap and apply what he learnt, this new knowledge and instinct to everything he touches.” Keller’s genius lies not just in how he applied culinary knowledge to his job. It is how he applies everything he learnt to his job, and how he applies his attitude to his job to everything else. Here is a three-star chef who earns millions of dollars from his restaurant, and he still insist on picking up cigarette butts from the floor, and getting on his knees and cleaning the kitchen himself everyday. Keller lives by example. The first thing he does when he walks into the kitchen every day is to clean. His staff sees him doing it, and eventually they start doing it themselves.

    It is not just a matter of cleanliness. It is about an attitude of exacting perfection in every aspect of his life and his surroundings. Keller is successful because he takes his logic to its most extreme conclusion. As Keller explains the standards he expects from his staff:

    Most of these cooks, Keller explained to me, hoped town their own restaurants one day; if they were good enough for that, they would treat this place as if they were the owners. If they didn’t, they would never be successful, he thought, because you can’t spend half a career as someone else’s employee and then suddenly, one day, start thinking like an owner. If you wanted to be a great chef and restaurateur, you had to think like an owner and act like the owner from your very first job as prep cook, or you’d never develop the muscles for when the time actually arrived.

    Then there was the episode with the rabbits. Keller decided one day he was going to add rabbits to the menu for the first time. He could have just asked his purveyor to deliver twelve prepped rabbits to his restaurant. It was how cooks usually do it. Keller, being the man that he is, decided he needs to learn how to butcher, skin and gut the rabbit – himself. It didn’t help that the bunnies are so damn cute. He had to knock them out, then slit their throats, pin them to a board, before skinning and then gutting them. On top of that, bunnies scream. It was horrible. Yet this experience was enlightening in its own way:

    He stunned, killed, sinned, gutted, and butchered them all for service that week, and he did learn how to break down rabbits. But he learned something more. He had taught himself about respect for food and, its opposite, waste. It had been hard to kill those rabbits because life, to Keller, wasn’t meaningless. If their lives hadn’t meant anything, it would have been easy to kill them. He took that life, and so he wouldn’t waste it. But how easy it is to forget about a piece of meat in the oven, throw it in the garbage, and fire a new one. He would not overcook this rabbit. He cared about it too much at this point. These were going to be the best rabbits ever. He was going to do everything possible, short of getting in that oven to cook with them, to make sure they were perfect.

    This man deserves to eat rabbit.

    This is not a call for everyone to go butcher, skin and gut your dinner of course. Keller, admittedly, is a man of extremes – but it is this very attitude that allowed him an excellence that most of us dream about, yet dare not strive for. He goes all the way to prepare the rabbit, from slaughter to the kitchen. He does not shy away from the gruesome and difficult part of the slaughter. Most of us, being asked to slaughter a chicken, would balk at the task; Keller does not. He acknowledges what it truly means to cook a rabbit—that to partake of the pleasure of eating a rabbit, you need to take a life. You can’t look away as though it doesn’t matter. What we do matters. How many of us approach our food, our job, or anything at all – with this kind of awareness? With this sense of responsibility?

    It is this level of engagement that makes the Thomas Kellers of the world who they are. How is it that a book about food can turn out to be a book on life’s lesson?

    Wednesday, November 12, 2008

    DUBAI | Missing the Rain

    People from Dubai tell me it rained about five times in the city last year. 

    People from home tell me it's raining dogs and cats right now.

    I miss the rain. More than anything else, I miss the wetness of home. During this season the monsoon winds will bring on the heavy showers. It will be wet and cold, and it's wonderful and cozy to sleep in during the rainy season. I miss the feel of the squishy wetness of shoes soaked in the rain. I miss running through the rain to the nearest bus-stop. I miss waiting for my bus in a packed bus-stop during the rain, the water on my forearms, avoiding the umbrellas of the people with their bags of Christmas shopping.

    I miss the rain.

    There was a scene in my favourite desert book, The English Patient, which describes a moment when it rained one night in the desert. One of the character had been in bed with her lover. She leans out of the window, letting the rain pour down on her naked body. I would post that passage if I had my journal, or my copy of The English Patient.

    Right now, I really like to feel the cold rain on my skin.

    Monday, November 10, 2008

    Monday Song Lyrics #2: Change

    Today's post will be a continuation from last Monday: a post on song lyrics.

    I'm posting another song from Tracy Chapman this week, "Change" (from the album "Where You Live"). I picked up the album some time in 2005, after some major changes in my life - or perhaps, after some minor changes in significant areas of my life. Things were improving, and the problems that overwhelmed me for so long actually felt manageable. Life was the same actually, but I felt better.

    Many of us have these songs that speaks to us. It came to us at the right time, often during a significant moment - when we first fall in love, when our hearts are breaking, the birth of our first-born. For me, it happened when I first started to believe that I had the power to change my life. It isn't going to be easy. I will continue to stumble along the way - but it is possible.

    Joanna Macy wrote:

    In the Tibetan Buddhist path we are asked to pause before any period of meditative practice and precede it with reflection on the preciousness of a human life. This is not because we as humans are superior to other beings, but because we can "change the karma." In other words, graced with self-reflexive consciousness, we are endowed with the capacity for choice -- to take stock of what we are doing and change direction.

    So often we are stuck in our own dark path. We don't find our way out and we fall into despair. We think this is it: my life has been a train-wreck and there is no way out. What is that elusive factor that pulls us out of the despair and makes us change?

    When I first heard Tracy Chapman's "Change", it felt like she was asking the same questions I have been asking myself:

    How bad, how good, does it need to get?
    How many losses? how much regret?
    What chain reaction would cause an effect?
    Does it take our world to crash and burn before we will wake up to the need to change our lives? Will we only wake up to the errors of our lives if we knew that we would die today?

    I can only speak from a limited experience, which is my own. I believe the key to change is in these lines of the song: If you saw the face of God and love/Would you change?. For many of us, at some point of our lives, we will find ourselves lost in a dark place. We struggle against it but all efforts seem to make things worse . It was our mistakes that brought us to this state. Making the same mistakes over and over is not going to save us. The only way to save ourselves is to change. But to change, we first have to believe in the possibility of things being better. Sometimes, it can be the most difficult thing in the world to believe that we deserve better. It can also be the scariest thing in the world, to change. Change is a leap into the unknown. 

    Change is about hope and faith. It is truly like looking into the face of God and love. It is the only real thing that can move us into saving ourselves.

    Did I also mention Tracy Chapman has a great, great voice?


    Change

    If you knew that you would die today
    Saw the face of God and love
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    If you knew that love can break your heart
    When you're down so low that you cannot fall
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    How bad, how good, does it need to get?
    How many losses? how much regret?
    What chain reaction would cause an effect?
    Makes you turn around
    Makes you try to explain
    Makes you forgive and forget,
    Makes you change
    Makes you change

    If you knew that you would be alone
    Knowing right, being wrong,
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    If you knew that you would find a truth
    That would bring a pain that can't be soothed
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    How bad, how good, does it need to get?
    How many losses? how much regret?
    What chain reaction would cause an effect?
    Makes you turn around
    Makes you try to explain
    Makes you forgive and forget,
    Makes you change
    Makes you change

    Are you so up right
    You can't be bent
    If it comes to blows
    Are you so sure you won't be crawling
    If not for the good why why risk falling
    Why risk falling?

    If everything you think you know
    Makes your life unbearable
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    If you'd broken every rule and vow
    And hard times come to bring you down
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    If you knew that you would die today,
    If you saw the face of God and love
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    If you saw the face of God and love
    If you saw the face of God and love
    Would you change?
    Would you change?

    Here's a link to Tracy Chapman performing "Change" on Youtube

    Wednesday, November 05, 2008

    MEME | Unspectacular Me

    Long overdue meme that Ovidia tagged me for. (Sorry, work has been a virtual state of war over here in Dubai)

    I'm supposed to state 6 unspectacular things about myself - but I find myself trying to think of 6 unspectacular things about myself that's outstanding. Heh.

    Six Unspectacular Things About Myself:

    1. I alway order a Tall Cafe Latte at Starbucks
    2. If I had a choice, I would prefer to listen than to talk
    3. I prefer animals to humans in general
    4. I have too many Batman T-shirts for someone my age
    5. I am ignorant on a lot of things
    6. I tend to be more flexible than strong

    There. Nothing spectacular.

    Monday, November 03, 2008

    Favourite Song Lyrics

    Stole this from Emily over at Telecommuter Talk, where she suggested a Favourite Song Lyrics Monday (it's amazing how a meme just spreads across the internet, doesn't it?)

    On a Monday, or every Monday, or any Monday, just post your favourite song lyrics, something that help brighten up the first day of the week.

    (Ironically I am now in Dubai, where Fridays and Saturdays are the traditional weekends, and Sunday is the start of the work-week. So, Sunday is Monday here. Heh.)

    I have many songs that I love to pieces and I would love to post here. Th question is, which song to choose here? In light of the US Election coming soon, and of course, Chapman's forthcoming album, I've picked "America", from Tracy Chapman's 2005 album, "Where You Live". It's one of Chapman's more political songs, about the hypocrisy of greed and colonization. It also reminds us of how history repeats itself. Most of all, I love the tempo on this song.

    America

    You were lost and got lucky,
    came upon the shore,
    found you were conquering America,
    Spoke of peace,
    Waged a war,
    while you were conquering America.

    There was land to take, and people to kill
    While you were conquering America.
    You saved yourself, and did God's will,
    While you were conquering America.

    The ghost of Columbus haunts this world,
    You're still conquering America.
    The meek won't survive, inherit the earth,
    Cause you're still conquering America

    hmmmm

    Found bodies to serve, submit and degrade,
    while you were conquering America.
    Made of soldiers and junkies, prisoners and slaves,
    while you were conquering America.

    America, America, America

    Your hands are at my throat,
    my back's against the wall,
    cause you're still conquering America.
    We are Sick, and tired, hungry and poor,
    cause you're still conquering America.

    America, America, America,

    You bomb the very ground,
    you feed your own babies,
    you're still conquering America
    Your sons and your daughters,
    May never sing your praises,
    while you were conquering America.

    America, America, America

    Unseal your eyes,
    see the distant shore,
    while you were conquering America,
    Take your rockets to the moon,
    Try to find a new world,
    And you're still conquering America.

    America, America, America

    The ghost of Columbus, haunts this world,
    You're still conquering America,
    You're still conquering America,
    You're still conquering America

    MUSIC | Tracy Chapman has a new album out this November

    Finally managed a bit of breathing space this week. One of the best news I heard today is the forthcoming release of the new Tracy Chapman album, "Our Bright Future". It's scheduled for this November and I'm just hoping the Virgin stores in Dubai will have it in fast. It'll probably be over-priced, but a new album from Chapman is worth it.

    Tracy Chapman's last album, "Where You Live" (released in 2005) is still one of the most played album on my iPod. Chapman definitely has beautiful vocals, and she works with some of the best in the music industry. But what I love most of all is the simplicity of her songs - the simple elegance of it all.


    Listen to the new single, "Sing For You" on myspace.