2008 | Comics & Manga Read 2008

[10] Lobster Johnson: The Iron Prometheus • Mike Mignola & Jason Armstrong
[9] Hellboy: Darkness Calls • Mike Mignola & Duncan Fegredo
[8] Buffy the Vampire Slayer: No Future For You • Brian K. Vaugh, Georges Jeanty & Joss Whedon
[7] The Question: The Five Books of Blood • Greg Rucka
[6] B.P.R.D. Killing Ground • Mike Mignola, John Arcudi & Guy Davis
[5] Checkmate: Fall of the Wall • Greg Rucka, Joe Bennett & Chris Samnee
[4] Batman: The Killing Joke (The Deluxe Edition) • Alan Moore & Brian Bolland
[3] Birds of Prey: Dead of Winter • Gail Simone et al
[2] Manhunter: Unleashed • Marc Andreyko et al
[1] Welcome to Tranquility Vol. 1 • Gail Simone & Neil Googe

MUSIC | Playing this on Repeat Mode

Eric Clapton AND Tracy Chapman. I can't decide which of these two artistes I admire more. This performance is just so right.

Boxing Day 2008

Thank you to everyone who sent hugs and good intentions my way after my last post. I am glad to report I feel better now. I managed to talk to my mother later in the afternoon. I felt better after that. 

My mom and I just talked about ordinary things. It felt normal. It was as though I never left and she just popped into my room for a chat. Our relationship has been difficult over the years, so it was good to be able to talk like this.

The worst of the holiday blues seemed to have passed. Things do pass, as they say. Now that I am feeling much better, I can start feeling a little embarrassed about how I allowed my emotions to get out of control. But this embarrassment will also pass.

Today is Boxing Day. It's also Friday, so I have the day off. However, I went down to the store anyway to pass the Christmas gifts to my colleagues. 

Among the gifts I received from my colleagues, one came with a note that thanked me for listening when the person needed to talk. That surprised me, because I never really thought of myself as a good listener. I just happened to be available. I didn't know it meant something to her - or that she remembers. It's not as though I helped solve the problem for her. There was nothing else I could do except listen. So I just did that. (Which basically tells me the things I do right are usually done cluelessly. Hmm. The story of my life.) 

The note however, reminds me how powerful it is to simply listen, or pay attention. How important it is to us to be heard, to know that somebody is paying attention to how we feel.

My point is - and I do have one - is thank you to everyone who took the trouble to just drop a comment or an email, who sent me hugs, good thoughts and advice along the way. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, your hearts, your meditation, your practice. Not just for yesterday, but for everyday. They are reminders that there is someone out there listening/paying attention. 

Thank you for this gift of your friendship.

Christmas 2008

I can understand why suicide rates go up during the holidays. No - in case you're concerned - I'm not going to do anything stupid.

I have always been a loner, but a loner with friends. I thought I could manage coming over to Dubai with no friends. As it turns out, I am not as strong as I thought I was. Last night was Christmas Eve and it was difficult. 

I was meditating last night - or at least I was trying to meditate. Shortly after I started sitting the tears rolled down my cheeks, and I had to stop. I should have continued, and just let the emotions run its course. But I couldn't do that last night.

Today is Christmas. It's also my mom's birthday. I called home a few minutes ago to wish my mom a happy birthday. My dad picked up the line and he couldn't recognize my voice. He also told me that my mom isn't at home.

I have to go to work in less than 2 hours. Christmas is not a holiday in Dubai. I think I have run out of festive cheers for the year. I dread the thought of pretending to be cheerful when my colleagues wish me a Merry Christmas. 

RANDOMNESS | From the Headlines

From the BBC:

"A 200-year-old church building has disappeared from a village in central Russia, officials from the Russian Orthodox Church say."

Woah.

Read the rest of the article here.

QUIZ | 43 Things

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a Creative Traveling Self-Knower

Whatever that means.

YOGA | Intentions vs Goal

From Yoga Journal, an essay on "The Heart's Intention"

Setting intention, at least according to Buddhist teachings, is quite different than goal making. It is not oriented toward a future outcome. Instead, it is a path or practice that is focused on how you are "being" in the present moment. Your attention is on the ever-present "now" in the constantly changing flow of life. You set your intentions based on understanding what matters most to you and make a commitment to align your worldly actions with your inner values.
... 

Goals help you make your place in the world and be an effective person. But being grounded in intention is what provides integrity and unity in your life. Through the skillful cultivation of intention, you learn to make wise goals and then to work hard toward achieving them without getting caught in attachment to outcome. As I suggested to the yogi, only by remembering your intentions can you reconnect with yourself during those emotional storms that cause you to lose touch with yourself. This remembering is a blessing, because it provides a sense of meaning in your life that is independent of whether you achieve certain goals or not.

DUBAI | Life With a Housemate

Rent in Dubai is expensive, especially if you want some place near your office and a room of your own. I'm sharing an apartment with H. We each get our own room, but there is still the inconvenience of having to live with someone who isn't family. It's been okay so far, except for the occasional irritation. It happens.

We have our little quirks and preferences. H prefers to dry her clothes on the balcony. She uses a nylon clothes-line. I enjoy a cup of morning coffee on the balcony - without the clothes-line, thank you very much. So what do we do? Every time H takes down her laundry, I untie the clothes-line. It must annoy her, having to re-tie the clothes-line every time. But I really hate that blue clothes-line. Besides, I wanted to practice yoga on the balcony before the weather turned so cold. It was disruptive.

Just a few days ago I found frozen milk in the fridge. Seriously. The milk had mysteriously chilled into ice. Somebody has been turning down the temperature in the fridge and I have frozen carrots, frozen zucchini, and frozen eggs (!) Apparently H is tired of food turning bad so soon that she has resorted to turning down the temperature in the fridge. But hello, everything  is now frozen. Do you know what happens when you defrost zucchini? They turn flaccid. Do you know how ridiculous it is to look at a flaccid zucchini?

We have two types of milk in the fridge. We can't share milk, because H buys low-fat while I want the full creamy richness. What's wrong with fat milk?

I have a stockpile of Dr Pepper in the fridge. It takes up a lot of space, but H lets it be. She has stockpile of meat in the freezer. My ice-cream sits nicely next to her frozen fish and chicken.

From time to time H would prepare lunch for work. Except she would forget to pack them. I would come home in the evening, and find her lunch sitting on the kitchen counter. *sigh*

I always spill liquids onto the stove when I cook. There's a lot of cleaning involved when I'm using the stove.

H loves fish. I dislike the smell of fish.

I dislike cleaning. H just let me be. :)

H likes to keep the TV on when she do things, like cooking, surfing the net. I let her be, even though I don't watch TV.

I have gone crazy. H doesn't realize it yet.

MONDAY LYRICS | I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas

"With the chord progression comes a melody and a meter, and that always suggests a sentence or a line, and then the sentence suggests a story and the music suggests an emotional subtext, and then you put it together."
~ Aimee Mann, about her song-writing process

That sounds about right.

Maybe you are like me. My introduction to Aimee Mann was by means of the soundtrack to the film, Magnolia. The film was a series of loosely connected story-lines - unified by Aimee Mann's songs. I have the soundtrack, but I never got around to watching the film. The irony is, I have the DVD for Magnolia. But every time I wonder if I should watch the DVD, I ended up playing the soundtrack instead.

That's what Aimee Mann does for me. Her songs are often dramatic, in the sense that it suggests a persona and you are listening to someone telling you about his/her sad, broken life. Yet for music that is so often about damaged souls, soaked in their unhappiness - there is something almost too melodious about her tunes, like a woman who laughs aloud right before she slashes her wrists.

It's totally cool.

I've picked "I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas" for this Monday. It's from the album, The Forgotten Arm, about an alcoholic boxer who ran off with a woman, but the both of them struggling. Sometimes I think I know what it means, when the lyrics goes, 'Cause I can't live loaded and I can't live sober - sometimes it's just hard to quit your misery and addiction. You know you have to change, but this familiar pain and addiction is all you have.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas by Aimee Mann

I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas
And then, baby, I'm through
Four more weeks that couldn't make any difference
Except maybe to you

But I've tried to use that trick
Like a carrot on a stick
So I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas
Then, baby, I'm through

I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas
And then, baby, I'm done
One less fucker trying to get in the business
Of the prodigal son

Where I know I can't compete
Once I'm off of Hastings Street
So I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas
Then, baby, I'm done

'Cause I can't live loaded and I can't live sober
And I've been this way since the end of October
And I know enough to know
That, baby, when it's over, it's over
And it's over
'Cause, baby, I'm done

I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas
And then call it a day
Tell you I'm sorry that I made you a witness
To my moral decay

And that, once upon a time
I believed it was a victimless crime
I was thinking I could clean up for Christmas
Then call it a day
Then call it a day
Then call it a day

WoYoPracMo | Should I?

Ovidia started a new WoYo group recently, called the LotusSeaters (or is it "LotusSitters"?) Simply put, on the days we don't manage asanas, we sit for 15 minutes. Not just sit, sit - but meditate.

I done an estimate of the amount of coffee I've been drinking the past 3 months (I have been in Dubai more than 3 months!) and it averages out to 3 cups at least every day. This is a lot more than I am used to, and I'm sure the caffeine is wrecking havoc on my nervous system. I get irritated over the tiniest issue and I find it harder to get my emotions under control. Insomnia is creeping in. My colleagues have started commenting how tired I look.

For the past few days, since I signed up for the LotusSeaters (I like this spelling better), I have been trying to sit for 20 minutes. I give myself about 5 minutes for the mind to wander - but it's usually more than 5 minutes of wandering. Last night I managed to sit for 20 minutes twice - once in the morning before work, once at night before bed. I sat for 20 minutes this morning. I will try to sit for 20 minutes again tonight.

The observation at this moment is how shallow my breath is. My body is also pretty tensed; it's hard to relax when I feel really tight around the neck and shoulders while I'm sitting. This might be another reminder to get back to my asana practice, to stretch the tension out of my body.

Everything tells me I need to get back to practice. Next January, WoYoPracMo returns with the mission to practice every day for a full month. I managed to practice every day for January this year. But that is easy when I can hop in to a yoga class, and just allow the teacher to lead the way. It's harder when I'm at home, and the only teacher I have to motivate me, is myself. I'm still thinking about whether I can do the WoYoPracMo in January 2009. It will be difficult.

The voice in the universe however, whispers: Just Do It. You Need This.

BOOKS | 13 for 2009

I have been doing the 100 Books To Read list for the past few years. I have decided I shall skip the 100 Books To Read challenge in 2009 and work on something more manageable. Like 13.

Why 13? Because it's prime. (Really, what did you expect me to say?)

The List of 13 for 2009 (which is more like a guideline than a list set in stone):

1. Arabian Sands, Wilfred Thesiger
~ Started on it. Hope to finish it this year.

2. Drood, Dan Simmons
~ Started on the ARC sent by the publisher.

3. My Fantoms,Théophile Gautier


4. Victorine, Maude Hutchins
~ They claim she writes like an American Colette.

5. The Travels of Ibn Battutah, edited by Tim Mackintosh-Smith


6. Yemen, Tim Mackintosh-Smith


7. The Great War for Civilisation, Robert Fisk
~ I need to read up on the politics and history of the Middle East.

8. A Book of Silence, Sara Maitland


9. The Eight, Katherine Neville
~ This is actually an old title. It was apparently The Da Vinci Code of its time, and it involves secret society and a chess set. It's the mysterious chess set that piqued my interest.

10. The Girl Who Played with Fire, Stieg Larsson
~ I enjoyed the first book, which deserved all the publicity it garnered. Hope the second book will not disappoint.

11. A Dance with Dragons (Song of Ice and Fire), George R.R. Martin
~ I was talking to one of my publishers last month about the book. Either of us are that hopeful that GRRM can produce the manuscript before the end of the year. But I have waited a long time for it. I hope it happens.

12. Cyteen: Regenesis, C.J. Cherryh
~ The sequel to Cyteen, which I re-read in 2008. I wrote an email to C.J. Cherryh when I was 20. (It was the first time I ever wrote a letter to an author I admire. I was so geeky.) I asked if there will be a sequel to Cyteen, because the story ended on a spectacular cliff-hanger and I need to find out what happens next. I was absolutely thrilled when Cherryh wrote back to tell me it will happen. She just needs to write it.

I have waited more than a decade for this sequel to be written, and come January 2009, the hardcover will be published.

Have any of you ever waited this long for a book to be published?


13. TBC

Other titles under consideration:

1. Other Colours, Orhan Pamuk


2. The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher, Kate Summerscale


3. Acedia & Me, Kathleen Norris


4. Child 44, Tom Rob Smith


5. In the Woods, Tana French


6. Revolutionary Road, Richard Yates


7. 2666, Roberto Bolano


8. Shadow Country, Peter Matthiessen


9. A Fine and Private Place, Peter S. Beagle

2008 IN REVIEW | My Life and Books

This year has been disruptive: I had an operation, I moved to a new country for a job that overwhelms me most of the time. I have less time to read. I lost access to my personal library - or a decent library of any kind. I can buy books, yes, but I always ask myself: how am I going to bring the books home?

My life in Dubai is one I am not used to: I am constantly reminded of how I do not belong, how I am not here to stay. A simple decision to buy furniture leads to the question of: What are we going to do with it when we leave? This is why we have a relatively spartan apartment. We are avoiding being tied down by heavy furniture. It's hard to feel at home in this city when that's the mindset I have. Home is about being settled, about stillness. Internally I am still not at ease.

If anything, 2008 is a year that keeps reminding me of how things are never what we expect them to be. I was just thinking about this last night when I read what struck Ovidia during a talk she attended - about moving "beyond our static preconceptions to respond to novelty & the unexpected." It sums up what 2008 feels like to me - a year's worth of lessons in having my plans disrupted, and learning to adapt and work without.

It is difficult. I am only just coming to terms with the reality that I will not be able to make it home next February for Chinese New Year or the Ani DiFranco Singapore concert. But we'll see - nothing is what I expect anyway. So maybe something will change along the way.

Meanwhile, here is my 2008 Reading in review:

Number of Books Read: 34 (2007 - 51 Read)

Books in Translation: 3 (1 Swedish, 2 French)
Re-readings: 1 (Cyteen)

100 Books To Read:  18/100 (2007 - 24/100; 2006 - 44 /100)

Non-Fiction:

Interestingly, I read 14 non-fiction titles this year. I read more essays collections - and in particular, I have started reading more food writings. I have grown quite fond of Ruth Reichl's writing - because she adds a dash of charm and a personal, emotional connection with her subject. She is also quite funny.

Travel writing - I read a few authors for the first time this year: Patrick Leigh Fermor and Colin Thubron - all wonderful writers. The writer who stands out most however, is Colin Thubron. Shadow of the Silk Road was a good blend of history and culture, but surprisingly, Thubron keeps himself in the background a lot of the time. He seems to be a writer who listens a lot, and who has this ability to get his subjects to talk about themselves no matter where he goes.

I need to read more Rebecca Solnit. But all my Rebecca Solnit books are at home. :(

Best Read of 2008:

I'm a little self-conscious about making a claim for "Best Read of 2008", because if you check out the list of books I read this year, it's only a modest 34, and I doubt I will finish anything before the end of the year. But there are some interesting reads among the 34 titles.

My most enjoyable fiction read for 2008 is The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I am awfully cynical the media hype behind books most of the time, but sometimes, I get curious. The tattooed-hacker protagonist of the title is an intriguing character. She is obviously smarter and more observant than most people, yet too vulnerable to live in the real world. The book itself is character-driven and I found myself looking forward to coming back every night to continue reading. I am definitely going to read the sequel, The Girl Who Played With Fire next year.

A notable mention for Falconer: an astonishing story about disillusion, and finding redemption in the oddest of places: prison.

This is brief. I guess because I am still struggling with 2008, and it is going to take a while before I can reflect on the year with any kind of insight.

MUSIC MEME | Randomness

1. Put your iTunes (or any other media player you may have) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

"Skinny Love" - Bon Iver

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

"Anyway But Here"  k.d. lang

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

"I'm You" - Leona Lewis

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

"Fingers" - Pink

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

"The Air That I Breathe" - k.d. lang

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

"It Was You" - Sharleen Spiteri

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

"Sunday Morning" - Velvet Underground

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

"The Blower's Daughter" - Damien Rice

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"The Remainder" - Sleater-Kinney

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

"Mississippi Goddam" - Nina Simone

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

"Mandy Goes to Med School" - Dresden Dolls

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"Don't Dwell" - Tracy Chapman

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

"The Consequences of Falling" - k.d. lang

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

"Fallen from the Sky" - Glen Hansard

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

"Number One Enemy" - The Slits

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

"Home" - Persephone's Bees

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

"The Summer Wind" - Madeleine Peyroux

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

"Before Easter" - Tracy Chapman

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

"Just One of Those Things" - Patricia Barber

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

"Blue and Gold Print" - Mates of State

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

"Falling Slowly" - Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

"Come Ye" - Nina Simone

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

"The Sound of White" - Missy Higgins

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

"Hop a Plane" - Tegan and Sara

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

"I Don't Want to Wait" - Paula Cole

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

"Scarred" - Johnette Napolitano

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

"Ridiculous Thoughts" - The Cranberries

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

"Here No More" - The Breeders

MONDAY LYRICS | Full of Grace

This post is dedicated to Elaine and Serene.

We go down memory lane to our fourth year in the university. The local TV station was screening Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was the season that Buffy and Angel consummated their relationship, and in the process, Angel lost his soul. (Long story. It involves a gypsy curse) Without his soul, Angel reverted to his evil vampire self – Angelus, the demon with the angelic face.

Angelus is a sadist who enjoys tormenting his victims before he finishes them off. He was obsessed with Buffy, because he remembers how Buffy made him feel when he still had a soul – he felt human – and the residual feelings repulsed him.

He stalked the slayer and her friends, terrorising them. Eventually he did kill one of Buffy’s friends, Ms Jenny Calendar, who was a gypsy from the clan that laid the curse on Angelus. Yet in spite everything, Buffy still loves Angel; she could not bring herself to fight the monster that wears her lover’s face. It was heart-wrenching, watching the passion play that is the Buffy and Angel love story.

We loved every minute of it.

Every Wednesday evening, Serene, Elaine and I will be in front of our TVs watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Sometimes during commercial breaks, either Serene or I will be on the phone with Elaine, and we would discuss the story, or just to say, “Oh my god!” to each other. Because we love the show, and we needed to share it with someone who understands just how great Buffy is.

We were fourth year students in the university. Technically we were adults. We could have used our time more constructively, no doubt. We could have studied more, or we could have spent the time working on our graduating thesis.

It was just more fun to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The season reaches its climax when Angelus decides he wants to open the gate of hell into this dimension. Angelus’ blood is the key to open the gate of hell, Angelus’ blood is the key to close it. Buffy has to stop Angelus before he can open the gate of hell. Failing that, she will have to close the gate, which will send Angelus to hell in the process.

So Buffy goes off to the dramatic show-down with Angelus. She told herself she was ready, she told herself that there is nothing left of the Angel she loves. Except, unknown to her, Buffy’s friends are elsewhere trying a spell that will return Angel’s soul back to him.

Buffy and Angelus duelled with swords. Right when Buffy was about to end it all, Angel’s soul was returned to his body. It took a moment, but Buffy saw the light of her love in Angel’s eyes. Suddenly there was hope again. He did not remember anything about the few months when he lost his soul, only that it feels like he had not seen Buffy for ages, and he loves her.

But it was too late. The gate of hell is opening behind Angel; there was only one way to end it. So with a kiss, a Judas Kiss, she tells Angel she loves him before stabbing him with her sword. The gate closes, sucking Angel into the hell dimension in the process.

The world was saved. The next day everyone showed up at school, wondering where was Buffy. None of them knew the sacrifice Buffy had to make; she had sent the man she loves to hell. The world was saved yes, but at what personal cost? Alone, with the pain she couldn’t share, Buffy left home. Cue soundtrack.

The producers found the perfect voice to match that closing scene. I was arrested by that song, that startlingly, shimmering voice. Regretfully, I did not know the singer. I only know through that one Buffy song that she sings with a voice full of heartaches: “I know I could love you much better than this”

Later, Serene printed the lyrics to that song. She pinned it up in the Lit Honours room. That day I found out the Buffy song was “Full of Grace”.

That was my introduction to Sarah McLachlan.

FULL OF GRACE
The winter here is cold, & bitter
It's chilled us to the bone,
I haven’t seen the sun for weeks,
Too long, too far from home.
I feel just like I’m sinking,
And I claw for solid ground,
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And oh darkness I feel like letting go.

If all the of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place,
I know I can love you much better than this,
Full of grace,
Full of grace,
My love.

It's better this way, I say,
Having seen this place before,
Where everything we say and do,
Hurts us all the more.
It’s just that we stayed, too long,
In the same old sickly skin,
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low,
And oh darkness I feel like letting go.
If all of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place,
I know I could love you much better than this,
Full of grace.

I know I can love you much better than this,
It’s better this way.

BOOKS | Ten Commandments of Book Giving

Books do make the best gifts. The problem is, most of my friends refuse to give me more books. Some of my friends feel it encourages an addiction ;p

Most of my friends avoid giving me books because I work in a bookstore. I am probably one of the worst person to buy a book for: What if I already have a copy, or I end up not liking the book?

So contradictory to expectations, I rarely get book-gifts. Christmas and birthdays are usually spent hanging out with my friends. While I love book-gifts as much as the next book-geek, there is the other kind of gift that I cherish more than books - time with my friends, and the reminder that they love me.

I still like to receive books as presents. People just refuse to buy me books. *whine*

Book giving is an art - because your choice says something about you as much as it says something about your opinion of the other party. Here, Michael Dirda offers his Ten Commandments of Book Giving. I love Commandment #9:

Support the midlist. Many good novelists, most poets and nearly all scholars sell only a few thousand copies of their books, if they're lucky. Blockbuster titles and brand-name authors will always be with us, but the books that matter in the long run, the books that will truly speak to our very innermost being, can easily be overlooked. Browse through the fiction shelves. Pause at the poetry section. Buy a few of these books, and you'll be a patron of the arts.

Yes, avoid the bestsellers. The mega-selling authors are rich enough. Make your gift count for something.

Yet Another Reason to Love Ellen Page

The Lunchbox Auction is an initiative where celebrities design lunchboxes and put them up for bid.

Here's the lunchbox designed by Ellen Page:

As though I need any more reason to love this quirky girl! :)

DUBAI | My writing space

DUBAI | My writing space
Originally uploaded by Dark Orpheus

For Serene - a post of my writing space. It's spartan, yes. But what do we really need to write? For the last 3 months I had little internet access, so there is little distraction on the laptop. Oh, and did I mention for the last 3 months, we have no access to the TV channels?

I know there are people who needs to be in a comfort zone before they can write. This spartan space however, helps me think more quietly. I would start drafts on my laptop on anything I wish to talk about. From time to time I edit or expand on the drafts until I feel that they are fit to post. Then it's just a matter of getting wifi to post it on the blog.

I also spend my free time reading at this table (that position has the best lighting in the apartment). Meals are also taken here. 

It's a busy table. 

100 Books To Read 2008 Version 2.2

This an aspirational list - the key is just to try to read as many as I can.

1. Arabian Sands • Wilfred Thesiger
   [21/11/2008 ~


2. With Billie • Julia Blackburn
   [07/11/2008 ~


3. The Name of the Rose • Umberto Eco
   [translated by William Weaver]
   [03/09/2008 ~


4. The Idiot • Fyodor Dostoevsky
   [translated by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky]
   [11/07/2008 ~


5. The Histories • Herodotus
   [24/04/2007 ~


6. The Surgeon's Mate • Patrick O'Brian
   [18/04/2008 ~


7. The Open Road: The Global Journey of the Fourteenth Dalai Lama • Pico Iyer
   [11/04/2008~


8. Touchstone • Laurie R. King
   [08/04/2008 ~


9. The Stress of Her Regard • Tim Powers
   [07/04/2008 ~


10. A Voice From the Attic: Essays on the Art of Reading • Robertson Davies
    [13/11/2007 ~


11. Seduction and Betrayal • Elizabeth Hardwick
    [17/03/2008 ~


12. Weight • Jeanette Winterson


13. The Looking Glass Wars • Frank Beddor


14. Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers • Leonard Koren


15. The Neverending Story • Michael Ende


16. The Collected Tales of Nikolai Gogol
    [translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky]


17. The Worst Journey in the World • Apsley Cherry-Garrard


18. War and Peace • Leo Tolstoy
    [translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky]
    [01/01/2008 ~


19. 三国演义 • 罗 贯 中
    [26/12/2007 ~


20. In Search of Lost Time Marcel Proust
    Swann's Way
    In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower
    The Guermantes Way
    Sodom and Gomorrah
    The Prisoner & The Fugitive
    [Translated by Carol Clark & Peter Collier]
    [26/11/2007 ~
    Finding Time Again
    [Translated by Ian Paterson]


21. Kristin Lavransdatter • Sigrid Undset
    [Translated by Tiina Nunnally]
    [27/08/2007 ~


22. The Three Musketeers• Alexandre Dumas
    [Translated by Richard Pevear]
    


23. The Book of Disquiet • Fernando Pessoa


24. Good Morning, Midnight • Jean Rhys


25. After Leaving Mr. Mackenzie • Jean Rhys


26. Orlando • Virginia Woolf


27. The Napoleon of Notting Hill • G.K. Chesterton


28. Rebecca • Daphne Du Maurier


29. Jane Eyre • Charlotte Bronte


30. The Masterpiece • Emile Zola


31. The Plague • Albert Camus


32. The Myth of Sisyphus • Albert Camus


33. Cheri and The Last of Cheri • Colette


34. Earthly Paradise • Colette


35. Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette • Judith Thurman
    [09/12/2006 ~


36. Flaubert In Egypt • Gustave Flaubert


37. Bel-Ami • Guy de Maupassant


38. Gargantua and Pantagruel • François Rabelais [translated by M. A. Screech]


39. Assassin's Apprentice (The Farseer Trilogy, Book I) • Robin Hobb


40. Royal Assassin (The Farseer Trilogy, Book II) • Robin Hobb


41. Assassin's Quest (The Farseer Trilogy, Book III) • Robin Hobb


42. A Canticle for Liebowitz • Walter M. Miller Jr.


43. Slow River • Nicola Griffith


44. In Praise of Shadows • Junichiro Tanizaki


45. Vermeer In Bosnia: Selected Writings • Lawrence Weschler


46. Out of Sheer Rage: Wrestling With D.H. Lawrence • Geoff Dyer


47. Pashazade [Arabesk Trilogy Book I] • Jon Courtenay Grimwood


48. Effendi [Arabesk Trilogy Book II] • Jon Courtenay Grimwood


49. Felaheen [Arabesk Trilogy Book III] • Jon Courtenay Grimwood


50. Fledgling • Octavia E. Butler


51. The Ionian Mission • Patrick O'Brian


52. Under the Volcano • Malcolm Lowry


53. Love Medicine • Louise Erdrich


54. Molloy • Samuel Beckett


55. Love • Stendhal


56. The Red and the Black • Stendhal


57. The Charterhouse of Parma • Stendhal


58. Walden and Other Writings • Henry David Thoreau


59. Essential Writings • Ralph Waldo Emerson


60. The Twelve Caesars • Suetonius


61. Candide • Voltaire


62. Arctic Dreams: Imagination and Desire in a Northern Landscape • Barry Lopez


63. The Little Prince • Antoine de Saint-Exupery


64. An Unexpected Light • Jason Elliot


65. The Carpet Wars • Christopher Kremmer


66. The Shadow of the Sun • Ryszard Kapuscinski


67. The Places in Between • Rory Stewart


68. The Power and the Glory • Graham Greene


69. The Heart of the Matter • Graham Greene


70. The Solace of Open Spaces • Gretel Ehrlich


71. A Match to the Heart: One Woman's Story of Being Struck By Lightning • Gretel Ehrlich


72. Bleak House • Charles Dickens


73. The Iliad • Homer


74. Three Bags Full • Leonie Swann


75. The Stones of Florence and Venice Observed • Mary McCarthy


76. Venice • Jan Morris


77. Darkmans • Nicola Barker


78. The Married Man • Edmund White


79. The Salterton Trilogy • Robertson Davies


80. The Leopard • Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa


81. • Jorge Luis Borges



82. Ghosts of Spain • Giles Tremlett


83. Storming the Gates of Paradise: Landscapes for Politics • Rebecca Solnit
    [26/04/2008 ~ 13/08/2008]


84. Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly • Anthony Bourdain
    [27/05/2008 ~ 11/07/2008]


85. Into Thin Air • Jon Krakauer
    [03/01/2008 ~ 12/01/2008]


86. The Wild Places • Robert Macfarlane
    [12/01/2008 ~ 26/01/2008]


87. Cyteen • C. J. Cherryh
    [29/12/2007 ~ 01/02/2008]


88. Shadow of the Silk Road • Colin Thubron
    [21/01/2008 ~ 26/02/008]


89. A Time to Keep Silence • Patrick Leigh Fermor
    [10/02/2008 ~ 02/03/2008]


90. Cleopatra's Nose: 39 Varieties of Desire • Judith Thurman
    [16/02/2008 ~ 20/03/2008]


91. The High King (Chronicles of Prydain, Book V) • Lloyd Alexander
    [24/03/2008 ~ 24/03/2008]


92. Taran Wanderer (Chronicles of Prydain, Book IV) • Lloyd Alexander
    [23/03/2008 ~ 24/03/2008]


93. The Castle of Llyr (Chronicles of Prydain, Book III) • Lloyd Alexander
    [22/03/2008 ~ 23/03/2008]


94. The Black Cauldron (Chronicles of Prydain, Book II) • Lloyd Alexander
    [21/03/2008 ~ 22/03/2008]


95. The Book of Three (Chronicles of Prydain, Book I) • Lloyd Alexander
    [21/03/2008 ~ 21/03/2008]


96. The Strangers in the House • Georges Simenon
    [Translated by Geoffrey Sainsbury]
    [22/03/2008 ~ 24/03/2008]


97. Monsieur Monde Vanishes • Georges Simenon
    [Translated by Jean Stewart]
    [24/03/2008 ~ 05/04/2008]


98. The Riddle-Master's Game • Patricia A. McKillip
    The Riddle-Master of Hed
    [24/03/2008 ~ 05/04/2008]
    Heir of Sea and Fire
    [05/04/2008 ~ 06/04/2008]
    Harpist in the Wind
    [06/04/2008 ~ 07/04/2008]


99. The Fortune of War • Patrick O'Brian
    [23/03/2008 ~ 16/04/2008]


100. Falconer • John Cheever
     [16/04/2008 ~ 22/04/2008]

Alternatives (What a lot of them!):

Her Smoke Rose Up Forever • James Tiptree, Jr.

• Between the Woods and the Water: On Foot to Constantinople: From The Middle Danube to the Iron Gates • Patrick Leigh Fermor


• The Marsh Arabs • Wilfred Thesiger


• House Rules • Heather Lewis

Finally! Internet at home

Finally! After 3 months n Dubai, we finally have internet access at home! Okay, I finally bullied H, my housemate into going down to sign up for home internet and TV. We were both too busy at work and too tired on our off-days to do it.

Now I can finally catch up on replying to all your comments, as well as rejoin the blogsphere as a reader who comments, not just lurk.

I just watched a new episode of House online. I am so happy!

MONDAY LYRICS | Prayer of St. Francis

(Yes, I know, this is late)

Instead of just the lyrics this Monday, let’s talk about the first time I heard this song by Sarah McLachlan. This might not make sense if you’re not familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer though.

Each season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ends with Buffy battling the Big Bad – in Season 1 it was the Master, in Season 2 it was Angelus and so on.

In Season 6 (or was that Season 7? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to fact-check) of the series the writers change the direction for the season finale. They made three losers the “villains” of the season. They were pathetic, all their dastardly plans failed, and they were often the clowns of the series – until one of them came after Buffy with a gun. Buffy was shot, and a second stray bullet killed Tara.

The death of Tara was the trigger that took Willow over the edge. This was what the entire season arc was really leading up to – our favourite red-headed geek-witch as the Big Bad of Season 6: the Dark Willow. She was out to kill the three losers responsible and she will crush anyone who gets in her way. But before that, she went to the emergency room and pulled the bullet out of Buffy with her powers; Dark Willow could save Buffy, but not Tara. No magic in the world can bring Tara back, because she died by normal means – an ordinary bullet, from a gun, fired by a human. That is the way nature works, and Willow could not accept that.

When Dark Willow went after the three losers, Buffy ran after her. Buffy wasn’t that concern about the losers – one of them did try to kill her afterall. But Buffy loved her friend: dear, sweet mousy Willow who was smart and cute and kind. Buffy was trying to prevent Willow from committing murder – because once she crossed that line, she will never be the same.

But Buffy was too late. Dark Willow found the loser responsible for Tara’s death. She tied him up in the woods, drove a bullet into his flesh to make him feel the excruciating pain. The loser whined, begged, cursed, and Dark Willow, with a sigh: “Bored now” – flayed him.

Flayed – as in tore the whole skin from his body. It was graphic and horrific, and that deed told Buffy that Willow was lost to them. She understood her duty now is to stop the Dark Willow that used to be her friend, who has decided she would try to end the world.

Towards the end, when Dark Willow was raising a satanic cathedral that would end the world, it was not Buffy who came to the rescue. It was Xander who arrived. He told Willow he was sorry about Tara, he told Willow he loves her. He let her know that he still sees his best friend from kindergarten, who cried when she broke the yellow crayons. Xander, the loser with no power, saved the day. It could have been cheesy, but the scene was genuinely touching. Willow couldn’t kill her best friend, and she started pounding at him with her fists furiously, before finally allowing herself to break down. The source of Willow’s rage and hatred has been her deep, inconsolable grief. When she could finally cry, the dark magic lost their possession of Willow.

Where was Buffy? She was stuck in a pit with her sister, with monsters that kept coming at them. When the dark magic lost control of Willow, the monsters in the pit stopped coming. Buffy climbed out of the pit with her sister. As the sisters stood in the daylight, wondering why the world did not end, nevertheless glad to be alive here and now with each other – Sarah McLachlan’s "Prayer of St. Francis" played as the closing theme of the season.

It wasn’t strength, or supernatural power that saved the day. Buffy, the strongest of them all, was trapped with her sister, Dawn, in a deep pit full of monsters that kept coming at them. In the end she despaired. She knew her strength would eventually fail her, and Dawn will die with her; she wasn’t strong enough to protect them both.

Willow was the most powerful witch in the western hemisphere (or was that the northern hemisphere? If I had my Buffy DVDs with me, I would check) – but she couldn’t save Tara.

What Xander did was he looked beneath the violence and all that has come to pass. He put himself in harm’s way and spoke to the part of Willow that was grieving. He offered compassion and love in place of violence, because in the greater scheme of things, strength does not resolve violence or hatred. Only love and compassion can do that.

Sarah McLachlan adapted the Prayer of St. Francis into a song. It is a simple but profound prayer, and when we combine it with the beauty of Sarah McLachlan’s vocals, it is sublime.

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.

O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive-
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen

As a song it is a short one, about 2 minutes. Nevertheless, I have played it over and over and never tired of it. Its message is universal: It is about humility: “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace” – a plea to serve, to be a vessel of love to the world. It asks of us to go against our lesser impulses, to return hatred with love, where there is injury, to offer pardon. For me, Prayer of St. Francis is yoga music.

NOTE: “The Prayer of St. Francis” is available on Sarah McLachlan’s Rarities, B-Sides & Other Stuff: Vol. 2 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Soundtrack.