"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."
-- Steve Jobs in his famous Stanford Commencement Speech
Friday, April 08, 2011
Steve Jobs: Find Work You Love
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
BtVS and Sarah McLachlan's "Prayer of St Francis"
Reposting this
Instead of just the lyrics this Monday, let’s talk about the first time I heard this song by Sarah McLachlan. This might not make sense if you’re not familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer though.
Each season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ends with Buffy battling the Big Bad – in Season 1 it was the Master, in Season 2 it was Angelus and so on.
In Season 6 (or was that Season 7? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to fact-check) of the series the writers change the direction for the season finale. They made three losers the “villains” of the season. They were pathetic, all their dastardly plans failed, and they were often the clowns of the series – until one of them came after Buffy with a gun. Buffy was shot, and a second stray bullet killed Tara.
The death of Tara was the trigger that took Willow over the edge. This was what the entire season arc was really leading up to – our favourite red-headed geek-witch as the Big Bad of Season 6: the Dark Willow. She was out to kill the three losers responsible and she will crush anyone who gets in her way. But before that, she went to the emergency room and pulled the bullet out of Buffy with her powers; Dark Willow could save Buffy, but not Tara. No magic in the world can bring Tara back, because she died by normal means – an ordinary bullet, from a gun, fired by a human. That is the way nature works, and Willow could not accept that.
When Dark Willow went after the three losers, Buffy ran after her. Buffy wasn’t that concern about the losers – one of them did try to kill her afterall. But Buffy loved her friend: dear, sweet mousy Willow who was smart and cute and kind. Buffy was trying to prevent Willow from committing murder – because once she crossed that line, she will never be the same.
But Buffy was too late. Dark Willow found the loser responsible for Tara’s death. She tied him up in the woods, drove a bullet into his flesh to make him feel the excruciating pain. The loser whined, begged, cursed, and Dark Willow, with a sigh: “Bored now” – flayed him.
Flayed – as in tore the whole skin from his body. It was graphic and horrific, and that deed told Buffy that Willow was lost to them. She understood her duty now is to stop the Dark Willow that used to be her friend, who has decided she would try to end the world.
Towards the end, when Dark Willow was raising a satanic cathedral that would end the world, it was not Buffy who came to the rescue. It was Xander who arrived. He told Willow he was sorry about Tara, he told Willow he loves her. He let her know that he still sees his best friend from kindergarten, who cried when she broke the yellow crayons. Xander, the loser with no power, saved the day. It could have been cheesy, but the scene was genuinely touching. Willow couldn’t kill her best friend, and she started pounding at him with her fists furiously, before finally allowing herself to break down. The source of Willow’s rage and hatred has been her deep, inconsolable grief. When she could finally cry, the dark magic lost their possession of Willow.
Where was Buffy? She was stuck in a pit with her sister, with monsters that kept coming at them. When the dark magic lost control of Willow, the monsters in the pit stopped coming. Buffy climbed out of the pit with her sister. As the sisters stood in the daylight, wondering why the world did not end, nevertheless glad to be alive here and now with each other – Sarah McLachlan’s "Prayer of St. Francis" played as the closing theme of the season.
It wasn’t strength, or supernatural power that saved the day. Buffy, the strongest of them all, was trapped with her sister, Dawn, in a deep pit full of monsters that kept coming at them. In the end she despaired. She knew her strength would eventually fail her, and Dawn will die with her; she wasn’t strong enough to protect them both.
Willow was the most powerful witch in the western hemisphere (or was that the northern hemisphere? If I had my Buffy DVDs with me, I would check) – but she couldn’t save Tara.
What Xander did was he looked beneath the violence and all that has come to pass. He put himself in harm’s way and spoke to the part of Willow that was grieving. He offered compassion and love in place of violence, because in the greater scheme of things, strength does not resolve violence or hatred. Only love and compassion can do that.
Sarah McLachlan adapted the Prayer of St. Francis into a song. It is a simple but profound prayer, and when we combine it with the beauty of Sarah McLachlan’s vocals, it is sublime.
As a song it is a short one, about 2 minutes. Nevertheless, I have played it over and over and never tired of it. Its message is universal: It is about humility: “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace” – a plea to serve, to be a vessel of love to the world. It asks of us to go against our lesser impulses, to return hatred with love, where there is injury, to offer pardon. For me, Prayer of St. Francis is yoga music.
NOTE: “The Prayer of St. Francis” is available on Sarah McLachlan’s Rarities, B-Sides & Other Stuff: Vol. 2 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Soundtrack.
Instead of just the lyrics this Monday, let’s talk about the first time I heard this song by Sarah McLachlan. This might not make sense if you’re not familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer though.
Each season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ends with Buffy battling the Big Bad – in Season 1 it was the Master, in Season 2 it was Angelus and so on.
In Season 6 (or was that Season 7? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to fact-check) of the series the writers change the direction for the season finale. They made three losers the “villains” of the season. They were pathetic, all their dastardly plans failed, and they were often the clowns of the series – until one of them came after Buffy with a gun. Buffy was shot, and a second stray bullet killed Tara.
The death of Tara was the trigger that took Willow over the edge. This was what the entire season arc was really leading up to – our favourite red-headed geek-witch as the Big Bad of Season 6: the Dark Willow. She was out to kill the three losers responsible and she will crush anyone who gets in her way. But before that, she went to the emergency room and pulled the bullet out of Buffy with her powers; Dark Willow could save Buffy, but not Tara. No magic in the world can bring Tara back, because she died by normal means – an ordinary bullet, from a gun, fired by a human. That is the way nature works, and Willow could not accept that.
When Dark Willow went after the three losers, Buffy ran after her. Buffy wasn’t that concern about the losers – one of them did try to kill her afterall. But Buffy loved her friend: dear, sweet mousy Willow who was smart and cute and kind. Buffy was trying to prevent Willow from committing murder – because once she crossed that line, she will never be the same.
But Buffy was too late. Dark Willow found the loser responsible for Tara’s death. She tied him up in the woods, drove a bullet into his flesh to make him feel the excruciating pain. The loser whined, begged, cursed, and Dark Willow, with a sigh: “Bored now” – flayed him.
Flayed – as in tore the whole skin from his body. It was graphic and horrific, and that deed told Buffy that Willow was lost to them. She understood her duty now is to stop the Dark Willow that used to be her friend, who has decided she would try to end the world.
Towards the end, when Dark Willow was raising a satanic cathedral that would end the world, it was not Buffy who came to the rescue. It was Xander who arrived. He told Willow he was sorry about Tara, he told Willow he loves her. He let her know that he still sees his best friend from kindergarten, who cried when she broke the yellow crayons. Xander, the loser with no power, saved the day. It could have been cheesy, but the scene was genuinely touching. Willow couldn’t kill her best friend, and she started pounding at him with her fists furiously, before finally allowing herself to break down. The source of Willow’s rage and hatred has been her deep, inconsolable grief. When she could finally cry, the dark magic lost their possession of Willow.
Where was Buffy? She was stuck in a pit with her sister, with monsters that kept coming at them. When the dark magic lost control of Willow, the monsters in the pit stopped coming. Buffy climbed out of the pit with her sister. As the sisters stood in the daylight, wondering why the world did not end, nevertheless glad to be alive here and now with each other – Sarah McLachlan’s "Prayer of St. Francis" played as the closing theme of the season.
It wasn’t strength, or supernatural power that saved the day. Buffy, the strongest of them all, was trapped with her sister, Dawn, in a deep pit full of monsters that kept coming at them. In the end she despaired. She knew her strength would eventually fail her, and Dawn will die with her; she wasn’t strong enough to protect them both.
Willow was the most powerful witch in the western hemisphere (or was that the northern hemisphere? If I had my Buffy DVDs with me, I would check) – but she couldn’t save Tara.
What Xander did was he looked beneath the violence and all that has come to pass. He put himself in harm’s way and spoke to the part of Willow that was grieving. He offered compassion and love in place of violence, because in the greater scheme of things, strength does not resolve violence or hatred. Only love and compassion can do that.
Sarah McLachlan adapted the Prayer of St. Francis into a song. It is a simple but profound prayer, and when we combine it with the beauty of Sarah McLachlan’s vocals, it is sublime.
The Prayer of St. Francis
Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive-
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen
As a song it is a short one, about 2 minutes. Nevertheless, I have played it over and over and never tired of it. Its message is universal: It is about humility: “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace” – a plea to serve, to be a vessel of love to the world. It asks of us to go against our lesser impulses, to return hatred with love, where there is injury, to offer pardon. For me, Prayer of St. Francis is yoga music.
NOTE: “The Prayer of St. Francis” is available on Sarah McLachlan’s Rarities, B-Sides & Other Stuff: Vol. 2 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Soundtrack.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
QUOTE | Friends
"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."
— Dalai Lama XIV
— Dalai Lama XIV
"the worst part is there's no-one else to blame"
Sia's "Breathe Me" is one of those songs I replay on my iPod from time to time. There is something poignantly true in the lyrics. As much as we would like to believe people learn from their mistakes -- we don't always do. All of us are 'hooked' in our own ways, all of us have our neuroses, our insecurities and vulnerabilities. When it hurts, we react defensively -- some of us lash out in anger, we blame, we turn cold and cutting with our words, while some of use just retreat into ourselves, we become silent and distant.
We are conditioned to deal with pain from an early age, and they are familiar recurring habits throughout our lives. That is one of the conditions of being human.
Recently I found myself playing out my habitual defensive drama. It has been a difficult few months, culminating in a birthday month where I was overwhelmed by a sense of loss, grief and groundlessness. I ended up behaving in a self-destructive manner that alienated a few friends.
Sia's song could be the theme song to everything that happened:
"Help, I have done it again/I have been here many times before/Hurt myself again today/And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame"
I keep a wall between myself and the world on most days. But occasionally I slip and allow people to get close. When the inevitable conflict and difficulties arises, I get confused, stressed out. , When relationships start to slip away, I react. I wanted to kill my heart a little so that it would stop hurting. I did what I felt I had to do then, because the pain was just too much to bear.
It came to a point when I just felt numb. Sort of like a disorientation after a car-crash. People that cared about me wrote to tell me how my actions have hurt them. While a part of me is numb, there is still a small part that can still feel. I know what I did. It was self-centred of me to punish others for my own pain.
Now the dust has settled, I am looking back and I see actions have consequences. Now that I can see where I am headed, it is time to back-track and move on in the right direction.
In life, we are always going to slip a little from sanity occasionally.It is not excusable, or right or wrong. It is the way things are. Just get up and move on in the right direction. You are human. You are vulnerable. Don't let your mistakes define you. Take responsibility for your mistakes.
For friends that are gone, if they are meant to be, they may return. Otherwise, goodbye.
We are conditioned to deal with pain from an early age, and they are familiar recurring habits throughout our lives. That is one of the conditions of being human.
Recently I found myself playing out my habitual defensive drama. It has been a difficult few months, culminating in a birthday month where I was overwhelmed by a sense of loss, grief and groundlessness. I ended up behaving in a self-destructive manner that alienated a few friends.
Sia's song could be the theme song to everything that happened:
"Help, I have done it again/I have been here many times before/Hurt myself again today/And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame"
I keep a wall between myself and the world on most days. But occasionally I slip and allow people to get close. When the inevitable conflict and difficulties arises, I get confused, stressed out. , When relationships start to slip away, I react. I wanted to kill my heart a little so that it would stop hurting. I did what I felt I had to do then, because the pain was just too much to bear.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
It came to a point when I just felt numb. Sort of like a disorientation after a car-crash. People that cared about me wrote to tell me how my actions have hurt them. While a part of me is numb, there is still a small part that can still feel. I know what I did. It was self-centred of me to punish others for my own pain.
Now the dust has settled, I am looking back and I see actions have consequences. Now that I can see where I am headed, it is time to back-track and move on in the right direction.
In life, we are always going to slip a little from sanity occasionally.It is not excusable, or right or wrong. It is the way things are. Just get up and move on in the right direction. You are human. You are vulnerable. Don't let your mistakes define you. Take responsibility for your mistakes.
For friends that are gone, if they are meant to be, they may return. Otherwise, goodbye.
Minimalism as a State of Mind
Minimalism is sort of a romantic ideal for me. As much as I admire the notion of living life simply, with as little possession as possible, some how I would often unconsciously end up buying things and accumulating stuff. It's something that takes consistent effort. But it is possible. A lot of people who found themselves suddenly jobless in the midst of an economic crisis somehow learned to adapt to having every little.
When I was jobless - with no income, I bought very little. I used the library often, I spent mainly on food and necessities. I don't even buy CDs anymore, and I bought no new clothes. Now that I am with an income again, I look around, and I see how much I have been spending, buying, consuming - it's a vicious cycle.
I just found this 100 Thing Challenge. Dave Bruno basically outlines the minimalistic effort in 3 steps:
Reduce (get rid of some of your stuff)
Refuse (to get more new stuff)
Rejigger (your priorities)
Our possession is somehow tied to our state of mind. I know whenever I feel overwhelmed by emotions, clearing the clutter around me helps. Maybe it's a psychological thing - what happens within manifest itself without. Just that when I look seriously at the things around me, I often wonder: "Is this something I need, or something I would like to have?"
That is a question for the heart too: "Do I need this, or I am just holding on because I think I cannot be happy without it."
Going to explore http://www.becomingminimalist.com.
When I was jobless - with no income, I bought very little. I used the library often, I spent mainly on food and necessities. I don't even buy CDs anymore, and I bought no new clothes. Now that I am with an income again, I look around, and I see how much I have been spending, buying, consuming - it's a vicious cycle.
I just found this 100 Thing Challenge. Dave Bruno basically outlines the minimalistic effort in 3 steps:
Reduce (get rid of some of your stuff)
Refuse (to get more new stuff)
Rejigger (your priorities)
Our possession is somehow tied to our state of mind. I know whenever I feel overwhelmed by emotions, clearing the clutter around me helps. Maybe it's a psychological thing - what happens within manifest itself without. Just that when I look seriously at the things around me, I often wonder: "Is this something I need, or something I would like to have?"
That is a question for the heart too: "Do I need this, or I am just holding on because I think I cannot be happy without it."
Going to explore http://www.becomingminimalist.com.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Birthday is over
So my birthday is over.
I had only one birthday wish this year. It did not come to pass, because it isn't something I can only ask for, but whether it comes or not, that's an act of grace. I can work towards making the conditions right for things to unfold - but everything is karma.
I have been reading about hopelessness as a spiritual practice lately. Hope is defined as looking for something in the future to change. Faith is trusting what is happening here and now is what we need to do, where we need to be. You stop looking for something in the future to make you happy.
I have to admit it is difficult. So difficult.
I wish the people I love would stop leaving me.
I had only one birthday wish this year. It did not come to pass, because it isn't something I can only ask for, but whether it comes or not, that's an act of grace. I can work towards making the conditions right for things to unfold - but everything is karma.
I have been reading about hopelessness as a spiritual practice lately. Hope is defined as looking for something in the future to change. Faith is trusting what is happening here and now is what we need to do, where we need to be. You stop looking for something in the future to make you happy.
I have to admit it is difficult. So difficult.
I wish the people I love would stop leaving me.
“There are times to cultivate and create, when you nurture your world and give birth to new ideas and ventures. There are times of flourishing and abundance, when life feels in full bloom, energized and expanding. And there are times of fruition, when things come to an end. They have reached their climax and must be harvested before they begin to fade. And finally of course, there are times that are cold, and cutting and empty, times when the spring of new beginnings seems like a distant dream. Those rhythms in life are natural events. They weave into one another as day follows night, bringing, not messages of hope and fear, but messages of how things are.” ~ Chögyam Trungpa
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Happiness
I asked a friend once if he gambles. He replied in the negative. He told me, "I never put my money on anything where I cannot control the outcome."
This advice works as well for life. Never place your happiness on anything where you do not control the outcome.
This advice works as well for life. Never place your happiness on anything where you do not control the outcome.
“Ten Suggestions for Having a Regular Daily Practice Even if You Would Rather Be Thrown into a Shark-Infested Ocean”
Birthday notes:
By Diane Winston, excerpted from Shambhala Sun:
1. Be gentle on yourself. If you think you’re a failure and berate yourself for missing a day or a week, meditation then becomes another excuse for self-hatred. Look, meditation training is like swimming upstream, doable, but takes some effort. Be forgiving, yet keep at it.
2. Allow it to become a habit. Try to do it at the same time in the same place everyday. The way to cultivate a habit is to actually do it. The more consistent you can be, the easier it is for the new grooves to be worn into your brain.
3. Review your day and pick a time to do it that makes sense. If you are not a morning person, in fact can’t even look at yourself in the mirror until after you’ve had your coffee, wait till later in the day. If you come home exhausted every night, try the mornings.
4. Be willing to be flexible. If you miss your morning session, be creative. Take a mindful, silent walk at work; sit before you fall asleep. Don’t throw in the towel just because your daily routine got upended.
5. Prioritize. You need to somehow insert into your brain that meditation is just as important as brushing your teeth, showering, eating, Friends reruns, whatever it is. I think it’s amazing how much time we find to answer email but how strikingly little time there is to sit daily. Hmmmm.
6. Set your intention. Ask yourself as you sit down, why am I meditating today? See what emerges. Then ask yourself, what are my deepest reasons for practice? Return to these motivations when the going gets tough. A liberated mind takes work and reminders.
7. Pick a doable amount of time. Don’t strive for an hour unless it seems easy to you. Twenty minutes to a half hour can work fine. Up it, if that seems easy and fits in with your schedule. Even five minutes will activate those neural pathways, keep it going. And get a new groove forming.
8. If all else fails, get your sweet self on your cushion and take three breaths.
9. Sometimes sitting truly feels impossible. Then use your designated time for some kind of spiritually supportive practice: read a dharma book, listen to a tape, write in your journal.
10. When you screw up, be gentle on yourself. I already said this, but I’ll say it again, it’s key for developing a regular practice.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Empathic Civilisation
RSA Animate - The Empathic Civilisation
An animated exposition on human empathy. To empathize is to civilize.
An animated exposition on human empathy. To empathize is to civilize.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Never Doubt
A friend and I haven't spoken for a while. I contacted her last night about our mutual friend, the one that passed away on Sunday. She said this to me:
Sometimes when you just need a reminder of love, you get it.
"... but i never doubt that you will be there for me"
Sometimes when you just need a reminder of love, you get it.
Do Not Grieve
I found out last night that a friend passed away last Sunday. I thought about how I didn't keep in touch with her, because I was so caught up with my own self-centered life. And now she's gone, and I can't make it up to her.
I think I am on the verge of losing another good friend because of an argument.
I ended up crying last night; it was an emotional day. Sometimes all you have left are regrets and loss. I'm trying to remind myself not all relationships are gone forever. But sometimes, I wonder.
I'm trying to comfort myself right now.
I think I am on the verge of losing another good friend because of an argument.
I ended up crying last night; it was an emotional day. Sometimes all you have left are regrets and loss. I'm trying to remind myself not all relationships are gone forever. But sometimes, I wonder.
I'm trying to comfort myself right now.
Song by Faiz Ahmed Faiz
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve
This pain will cease.
Friends will return
Wounds will heal
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve.
Day will dawn.
Night will end.
Clouds will burst.
Do not Grieve.
Do not grieve.
Times will change.
Birds will sing.
Spring will come.
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve.
~ Faiz Ahmed Faiz
Translated by Daud Kamal
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
QUOTE | Our job is to love ...
“Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody’s business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy if anything can.”
~Thomas Merton
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Let Us All Be Thankful
“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.”
~ Buddha
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
QUOTE | Don't wish me happiness
Don't wish me happiness - I don't expect to be happy it's gotten beyond that, somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor - I will need them all.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Monday, March 07, 2011
QUOTE | To love is to be vulnerable
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
— C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
QUOTE | I want first of all
I want first of all…to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can.
I want, in fact—to borrow from the language of the saints—to live “in grace” as much of the time as possible.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Monday, February 28, 2011
Power of Vulnerability in Our Lives
I have been sharing this video with anyone who would pay attention.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
QUOTE | Desiring Happiness
“Whatever joy there is in this world
All comes from desiring others to be happy,
And whatever suffering there is in this world,
All comes from desiring myself to be happy.”
– Śantideva
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
QUOTES | Somebody has to do it
When you are trying to help someone, you have to have humor, self-existing humor, and you have to hold the moth in your hand, but not let it go into the flame. That’s what helping others means. Ladies and gentlemen, we have so much responsibility. A long time ago, people helped one another in this way. Now people just talk, talk talk. They read books, they listen to music, but they never actually help anyone. They never use their bare hands to save a person from going crazy. We have that responsibility. Somebody has to do it. It turns out to be us. We’ve got to do it, and we can do it with a smile, not with a long face.
~ Chogyam Trungpa
Sunday, February 20, 2011
MUSIC | "Anyway" by Martina McBride
Came across this quote from the Gita earlier:
“On action alone be thy interest…Never on its fruits…Let not the fruits of action be thy motive, Nor be thy attachment to inaction…”
Hold this thought and listen to this song by Martina McBride:
Anyway
You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah, I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah, sing it anyway
I sing, I dream
I love
Anyway
Saturday, February 19, 2011
QUOTE | The crisis throws you back
“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called “the love of your fate.” Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, “This is what I need.” It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment—not discouragement—you will find the strength is there. Any disaster that you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.
Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.” ~ Joseph Campbell
Friday, February 18, 2011
QUOTE | We Learn by Practice
I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing, or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each, it is the performance of a dedicated, precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which come shape of achievement, the sense of one’s being, the satisfaction of spirit. One becomes in some area an athlete of God. Practice means to perform over and over again, in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired. ~ Martha Graham
Read the entire essay here.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Waves
I'm not sure what changed; the last few days I found myself easily overwhelmed by emotions. The heart was in pain, and there was no way to stop the grief.
Then, out of nowhere, came a sense of contentment. Everything remains the same, but something felt different within.
Maybe this is true:
Then, out of nowhere, came a sense of contentment. Everything remains the same, but something felt different within.
Maybe this is true:
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”
~ Kahlil Gibran
Monday, February 14, 2011
QUOTE | Letting go of fixtation
Letting go of fixation is effectively a process of learning to be free, because every time we let go of something, we become free of it. Whatever we fixate upon limits us because fixation makes us dependent upon something other than ourselves. Each time we let go of something, we experience another level of freedom.
-Traleg Kyabgon Rinpoche, "Letting Go of Spiritual Materialism"
QUOTE | How Things Are
My thoughts for Valentine's Day:
“There are times to cultivate and create, when you nurture your world and give birth to new ideas and ventures. There are times of flourishing and abundance, when life feels in full bloom, energized and expanding. And there are times of fruition, when things come to an end. They have reached their climax and must be harvested before they begin to fade. And finally of course, there are times that are cold, and cutting and empty, times when the spring of new beginnings seems like a distant dream. Those rhythms in life are natural events. They weave into one another as day follows night, bringing, not messages of hope and fear, but messages of how things are.”
~ Chögyam Trungpa
Sunday, February 13, 2011
QUOTE | Kindness
Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.
~ George Sand
Saturday, February 12, 2011
10 Tips/Tricks for establishing a regular home yoga practice (link):
1. Let go of all expectations. All of them.
2. Giving yourself permission to just roll out your mat and breathe…
3. Set an intention.
4. Warm up.
5. Standing Poses, seated poses, backbends, twists, savasana.
6. Enjoy being able to take time in postures.
7. Don’t be constrained by how you think postures should look.
8. Be playful, and light, and joyous.
9. Make your daily home practice the one must-do of your day.
10. Be kind to yourself, and always, always, always get back on the mat.
1. Let go of all expectations. All of them.
2. Giving yourself permission to just roll out your mat and breathe…
3. Set an intention.
4. Warm up.
5. Standing Poses, seated poses, backbends, twists, savasana.
6. Enjoy being able to take time in postures.
7. Don’t be constrained by how you think postures should look.
8. Be playful, and light, and joyous.
9. Make your daily home practice the one must-do of your day.
10. Be kind to yourself, and always, always, always get back on the mat.
QUOTE | Learn to watch your drama unfold
"Learn to watch your drama unfold while at the same time knowing you are more than your drama."
— Ram Dass
100 BOOKS | 100 Books To Read 2011
- Man's Search for Meaning • Victor Frankl
[12/02/2011 - Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers • Leonard Koren
[07/02/2011 ~ - The Call of Stories: Teaching and the Moral Imagination • Robert Coles
[24/01/2011 ~ - Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human • Richard Wrangham
[23/12/2010 ~ - A Paradise Built in Hell • Rebecca Solnit
[14/12/2010 ~ - The Classical World • Robin Lane Fox
- Sergio: One Man's Fight to Save the World • Samantha Power
- The Shadow of the Sun • Ryszard Kapuscinski
- The Histories • Herodotus
- Guns, Germs and Steel • Jared Diamond
- No Logo • Naomi Klein
- War and Peace • Leo Tolstoy
[translated by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky] - Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi • Geoff Dyer
- Out of Sheer Rage: In the Shadow of D.H. Lawrence • Geoff Dyer
- The Death of Ivan Ilyich & Other Stories • Leo Tolstoy
[translated by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky] - Just Kids • Patti Smith
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- Eat, Pray, Love • Elizabeth Gilbert
[02/12/2010 ~ 08/12/2010] - Outliers: The Story of Success • Malcolm Gladwell
[30/12/2010 ~ 02/01/2011] - Let the Right One In • John Ajvide Lindqvist
[translated from the Swedish by Ebba Segerberg]
[18/11/2010 ~ 03/01/2011] - Opening the Door of Your Heart and other Buddhist Tales of Happiness • Ajahn Brahm
[15/01/2011 ~ 23/01/2011] - Shah of Shahs • Ryszard Kapuściński
[translated from the Polish by William R. Brand & Katarzyna Mroczkowska-Brand]
[05/01/2011 ~ 23/01/2011] - The Little Prince • Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
[30/01/2011 ~ 31/01/2011] - The Miracle of Mindfulness: A Manual on Meditation • Thich Nhat Hanh
[05/02/2011 ~ 07/02/2011]
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Everyday Activity Meditations
From Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness, on "Everyday Activity Meditations":
Often we can take the lessons we learn from observing one single activity and apply them to the rest of our life. See if you can use a part of your everyday routine as a meditation, a time of coming into the moment, paying attention to your actual experience, learning about yourself, deepening your enjoyment of simple pleasures, or perhaps seeing how you could approach a task more skillfully.
Choose a brief daily activity—something you may have done thousands of times but never been totally conscious of. This time bring your full awareness to it; pay attention on purpose.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Depression
I'm not a trained psychologist of course, but it occurred to me that I might actually have been depressed the last 2 years.
The past 2 years I have been persistently manifesting all the symptoms above, as well as emotional upheavals where I over-react or suddenly break down in tears over trivial matters. I stopped doing the things I love - I stopped reading, I stopped writing, I stopped practing yoga. My thoughts are often negative, and many mornings, I wake up with a sense of emotional heaviness. The only thing I do not have are thoughts of suicide. Thank goodness.
If I had realised this earlier, I might have asked for help sooner - or maybe not. People in the throes of depression often find it difficult to get help. All I know is that I felt very much alone the past 2 years. It was hard to get motivated with anything.
Maybe the fact I can see this now, is a sign I am getting better. It just costed me a lot to get to this stage.
Symptoms include:
Persistent sad, anxious or "empty" feelings
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness
Irritability, restlessness
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable
Fatigue and decreased energy
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
Overeating, or appetite loss
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
The past 2 years I have been persistently manifesting all the symptoms above, as well as emotional upheavals where I over-react or suddenly break down in tears over trivial matters. I stopped doing the things I love - I stopped reading, I stopped writing, I stopped practing yoga. My thoughts are often negative, and many mornings, I wake up with a sense of emotional heaviness. The only thing I do not have are thoughts of suicide. Thank goodness.
If I had realised this earlier, I might have asked for help sooner - or maybe not. People in the throes of depression often find it difficult to get help. All I know is that I felt very much alone the past 2 years. It was hard to get motivated with anything.
Maybe the fact I can see this now, is a sign I am getting better. It just costed me a lot to get to this stage.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
QUOTES | Mastery of yoga
Mastery of yoga is really measured by how it influences our day-to-day living, how it enhances our relationships, how it promotes clarity and peace of mind.
– T.K.V. Desikachar
POETRY | Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
from Dream Work by Mary Oliver
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver
Lessons
I have been watching some videos posted on Youtube by the Omega Institute. In particular, I have been watching this Seane Corn video over and over. I have been thinking about difficulties in relationships lately, and it felt like Seane Corn was addressing my inquiries.
Seane Corn speaks about angels in our life. These angels are the people who have crossed our paths, who have brought us down and brought us to our knees. God has brought the both of us together to help illuminate each other's soul. That person is burning through their karma just as we are burning through ours.
These angels in our lives are our teachers, our spiritual companions -- and we have come together to do important work. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but we have to look beyond it and see that there is no good or bad, only experiences and opportunities to learn.
"You cannot be victimized unless you believe it's true. You can't be abandoned unless you believe it's true."
You look back at your experience and ask where is god? Where is love?
Someone once said to me, things happen for a reason, and things come in cycles. The important thing is to take the lessons from what happened.
At this moment, I am struggling with making sense of some of the things that has happened to me recently. I have been out of practice with yoga and meditation for over 2 years. During this long hiatus, I had noticed how my focus and mindfulness has dropped drastically.
As I pondered the difficulties in my relationships lately, I have come to believe they are pointing me back to my practice. My unskillful actions brought me to a bitter conclusion. The pain was part of the journey. The lesson could not have been taught without the people who participate in the experience.
I have to learn to embrace the experience as what they are, and to let go even as I use them to nourish my own practice.
I have so much work to do. But before that, I have to give thanks to the people who helped me in my journey.
Seane Corn speaks about angels in our life. These angels are the people who have crossed our paths, who have brought us down and brought us to our knees. God has brought the both of us together to help illuminate each other's soul. That person is burning through their karma just as we are burning through ours.
These angels in our lives are our teachers, our spiritual companions -- and we have come together to do important work. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but we have to look beyond it and see that there is no good or bad, only experiences and opportunities to learn.
"You cannot be victimized unless you believe it's true. You can't be abandoned unless you believe it's true."
You look back at your experience and ask where is god? Where is love?
Someone once said to me, things happen for a reason, and things come in cycles. The important thing is to take the lessons from what happened.
At this moment, I am struggling with making sense of some of the things that has happened to me recently. I have been out of practice with yoga and meditation for over 2 years. During this long hiatus, I had noticed how my focus and mindfulness has dropped drastically.
As I pondered the difficulties in my relationships lately, I have come to believe they are pointing me back to my practice. My unskillful actions brought me to a bitter conclusion. The pain was part of the journey. The lesson could not have been taught without the people who participate in the experience.
I have to learn to embrace the experience as what they are, and to let go even as I use them to nourish my own practice.
I have so much work to do. But before that, I have to give thanks to the people who helped me in my journey.
Friday, February 04, 2011
One Thousand Origami Cranes
A friend mentioned she wanted to fold origami cranes earlier. I asked her to fold 100 to get a wish. Turns out I was a little hazy on the figure. The Japanese has this saying: if you fold 1000 cranes, you get one wish.
I have a wish right now.
I want to fold 1000 cranes.
My friend says to give myself a time limit. One year sounds good.
I have decided to aim for 1000 origami cranes by June this year.
As I fold each crane, I will think of a friend, and send good thoughts their way.
May this too be a form of meditation.
I have a wish right now.
I want to fold 1000 cranes.
My friend says to give myself a time limit. One year sounds good.
I have decided to aim for 1000 origami cranes by June this year.
As I fold each crane, I will think of a friend, and send good thoughts their way.
May this too be a form of meditation.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
MEDITATION | 28 Days - Day 1 & 2
"We leave our homeland, our property and our friends. We give up the familiar ground that supports our ego, admit the helplessness of ego to control its world and secure itself. We give up our clingings to superiority and self-preservation...It means giving up searching for a home, becoming a refugee, a lonely person who must depend on himself...Fundamentally, no one can help us. If we seek to relieve our loneliness, we will be distracted from the path. Instead, we must make a relationship with loneliness until it becomes aloneness."
~ Chögyam Trungpa (The Myth of Freedom and the Way of Meditation)
Managed to meditate once a day on both 1st and 2nd of February.
Been thinking a lot about some of the things that led me back to meditation.
At the end of the day, we are alone in our practice. No one can help us except ourselves. A spiritual practice is about taking responsibility for ourselves. You practice, good for you. You don't practice, that's your own problem too.
If we're practicing just so we can call ourselves a "spiritual" person and feel good about ourselves, or to show off to others - then it is nothing more than the ego playing games on us. You don't go anywhere if you're practicing only for some external validation.
But let's say you come to your practice alone. No matter how hard you work on it, nobody cares. No one believes you will ever change no matter how much you practice - but you just keep working. You finally give up hope of people praising you, or liking you for working hard. You abandon all hope of ever mending your relationships through your practice. You are all alone in your practice.
I think that is when it really matters - when you practice for practice's sake.
Monday, January 31, 2011
QUOTES | Secret of Happiness
“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”
- Socrates
Friday, January 28, 2011
POETRY | "What We Need Is Here" By Wendell Berry
Geese appear high over us,
pass, and the sky closes. Abandon,
as in love or sleep, holds
them to their way, clear
in the ancient faith: what we need
is here. And we pray, not
for new earth or heaven, but to be
quiet in heart, and in eye,
clear. What we need is here.
POETRY | "Do not be ashamed" by Wendell Berry
You will be walking some night
in the comfortable dark of your yard
and suddenly a great light will shine
round about you, and behind you
will be a wall you never saw before.
It will be clear to you suddenly
that you were about to escape,
and that you are guilty: you misread
the complex instructions, you are not
a member, you lost your card
or never had one. And you will know
that they have been there all along,
their eyes on your letters and books,
their hands in your pockets,
their ears wired to your bed.
Though you have done nothing shameful,
they will want you to be ashamed.
They will want you to kneel and weep
and say you should have been like them.
And once you say you are ashamed,
reading the page they hold out to you,
then such light as you have made
in your history will leave you.
They will no longer need to pursue you.
You will pursue them, begging forgiveness.
They will not forgive you.
There is no power against them.
It is only candor that is aloof from them,
only an inward clarity, unashamed,
that they cannot reach. Be ready.
When their light has picked you out
and their questions are asked, say to them:
"I am not ashamed." A sure horizon
will come around you. The heron will begin
his evening flight from the hilltop.
My friend Tina sent me this poem yesterday.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
2011 | 28-Day Meditation Challenge
I was just going through some of my previous posts from 2008 (stuff like: Thoughts on The Last Unicorn, 10 Signs a Book Has been Written by Me Meme & Yoga Cow). The person who wrote these posts seem funny and quirky, yet sensitive and smart at the same time.
What happened to her?
I think I see her sometimes, but I can't be sure. She hasn't been around for a long time.
Let's bring her back, shall we?
I have been working a lot of over-time for my new job. A friend asked me if I was doing anything for myself this weekend. In fact, I have plans to attend a Sunday morning meditation class. I know it is not the usual "fun" activity people have in mind - but it's a precious "me" time.
And the universe seem to be leading me towards my effort. Tricycle just announced the return of the 28 Day Meditation Challenge. It's kicking off in February, and will be hosted by Sharon Salzberg.
It's all good.
What happened to her?
I think I see her sometimes, but I can't be sure. She hasn't been around for a long time.
Let's bring her back, shall we?
I have been working a lot of over-time for my new job. A friend asked me if I was doing anything for myself this weekend. In fact, I have plans to attend a Sunday morning meditation class. I know it is not the usual "fun" activity people have in mind - but it's a precious "me" time.
And the universe seem to be leading me towards my effort. Tricycle just announced the return of the 28 Day Meditation Challenge. It's kicking off in February, and will be hosted by Sharon Salzberg.
It's all good.
A good number
This only makes sense if you play Mafia Wars. :)
just brought her body count to 30,001 by icing ΞFIJFΞProblem?1.800.WHINE☻
It had to be someone special
just brought her body count to 30,001 by icing ΞFIJFΞProblem?1.800.WHINE☻
It had to be someone special
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Missy Higgins "Ten Days"
So we've put an end to it this time.
I'm no longer yours and you're no longer mine.
You said this hill looks far too steep
If I'm not even sure it's me you wanna keep.
And it's been ten days without you in my reach,
And the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.
But time has changed nothing at all -
You're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes and
I let you go but you're still the only one
That feels like home.
You won't talk me into it next time,
If I'm going away your hearts coming too.
'Cos I miss your hands I miss your face.
When I get back let's disappear without a trace.
'Cos it's been ten days without you in my reach,
And the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.
But time has changed nothing at all -
You're still the only one that feels like home.
I've tried cutting the ropes,
Tried letting go but you're still the only one
That feels like home.
So tell me, did you really think...
Oh tell me, did you really think
I had gone when you couldn't see me anymore?
When you couldn't...
'Cos baby time has changed nothing at all -
You're still the only one that feels like home.
And I've tried cutting the ropes,
I let you go but you're still the only one
That feels like home, yeah,
You're still the only one that feels like home,
You're still the only one I've gotta love.
Oh yeah...
Friday, January 21, 2011
2011 | Reminder
Barely 2 weeks into the new job and I am already losing my sense of zen.
I need to remind myself:
"This too shall pass."
There. Wisdom for a life-time.
I need to remind myself:
"This too shall pass."
There. Wisdom for a life-time.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Quotes from Imagine Me & You
Luce: You can put an end to this!
Rachel: How?
Luce: Tell me to go. Tell me that's what you want, and I will walk away and you will never see me again.
Rachel: Is that what you want?
Luce: I want *you*.
Rachel: How?
Luce: Tell me to go. Tell me that's what you want, and I will walk away and you will never see me again.
Rachel: Is that what you want?
Luce: I want *you*.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
2011 | Never
I don't have very much to say today, but I feel the need to say something.
Exactly one year ago, my friend Bunny passed away. She was 33 years old, never made it to 34. She was kind, absent-minded and always late for appointments. She died of a stroke one day, without warning. When she passed away, it made me think a little about life, and how much it means to live and to love someone.
The last thing Bunny and I said to each other was: "We must meet up again." I went to Dubai for work a few weeks later, and we never met up when I came home. Then she passed away.
I'm just a little contemplative today.
You never know when you might lose someone. Never let the last thing you say to someone be words you will regret.
The last words I said to TB were not nice. I can't take them back, and I am doubtful that we will ever meet again. Leave it. That's all I can do.
Exactly one year ago, my friend Bunny passed away. She was 33 years old, never made it to 34. She was kind, absent-minded and always late for appointments. She died of a stroke one day, without warning. When she passed away, it made me think a little about life, and how much it means to live and to love someone.
The last thing Bunny and I said to each other was: "We must meet up again." I went to Dubai for work a few weeks later, and we never met up when I came home. Then she passed away.
I'm just a little contemplative today.
You never know when you might lose someone. Never let the last thing you say to someone be words you will regret.
The last words I said to TB were not nice. I can't take them back, and I am doubtful that we will ever meet again. Leave it. That's all I can do.
POETRY | “The Spring and the Fall” by Edna St. Vincent Millay
In the spring of the year, in the spring of the year,
I walked the road beside my dear.
The trees were black where the bark was wet.
I see them yet, in the spring of the year.
He broke me a bough of the blossoming peach
That was out of the way and hard to reach.
In the fall of the year, in the fall of the year,
I walked the road beside my dear.
The rooks went up with a raucous trill.
I hear them still, in the fall of the year.
He laughed at all I dared to praise.
And broke my heart, in little ways.
Year be springing or year be falling,
The bark will drip and the birds be calling.
There’s much that’s fine to see and hear
In the spring of a year, in the fall of a year.
‘Tis not love’s going hurts my days,
But that it went in little ways.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
2011 | Predictable
10) Take full responsibility for maintaining the positive friendship in my life
Last week taught me something. Or rather, it brought an uncomfortable clarity to one of my existing relationship. The friendship has been painful and toxic for a while. There were many reasons for this - but the main reason (and this is a large part my fault)- is my unresolved romantic feelings for the other party. These unresolved feelings bring with them the disastrous baggage of expectations, hopes and disappointments.
I am the sort that starves until I find something I truly want. I wanted someone too much. I really, really wanted to be with this person.
No one else is responsible for my feelings, and I could not manage my heart. Still, a very human instinct is to blame the other party, or we tell ourselves: if I could just communicate my needs, perhaps the other party would change their behaviour to avoid causing hurt. If they don't, well, maybe they don't care enough. Maybe they don't care at all.
I have trapped myself in an emotional loop that will eventually drive me crazy. I finally snapped a few days ago. In a very predictable fashion, I imploded, did everything I could to drive the other party away.
So here we are. I have finally done what I need to do. I need the healing to start soon, because the pain is almost unbearable.
Last week taught me something. Or rather, it brought an uncomfortable clarity to one of my existing relationship. The friendship has been painful and toxic for a while. There were many reasons for this - but the main reason (and this is a large part my fault)- is my unresolved romantic feelings for the other party. These unresolved feelings bring with them the disastrous baggage of expectations, hopes and disappointments.
I am the sort that starves until I find something I truly want. I wanted someone too much. I really, really wanted to be with this person.
No one else is responsible for my feelings, and I could not manage my heart. Still, a very human instinct is to blame the other party, or we tell ourselves: if I could just communicate my needs, perhaps the other party would change their behaviour to avoid causing hurt. If they don't, well, maybe they don't care enough. Maybe they don't care at all.
I have trapped myself in an emotional loop that will eventually drive me crazy. I finally snapped a few days ago. In a very predictable fashion, I imploded, did everything I could to drive the other party away.
So here we are. I have finally done what I need to do. I need the healing to start soon, because the pain is almost unbearable.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sharleen Spiteri | All The Times I Cried
All The Times I Cried Lyrics
VERSE 1
You don't come around no more like you used to do
Oh god I miss your company
Your innocence you know just like
Yeah like it used to be
And how I need you here with me
BRIDGE
You just kept on asking why
Never wanting to really try
CHORUS
Cause all the times I've cried
All this pain I've tried to hide
What am I supposed to dream
When nothings ever what it seems
VERSE 2
The pain it drifts from day to day
And it makes think
That how I wish it would subside
To smile again all the fears be gone
Find my self respect
There's nothing done with that effect
BRIDGE
You just kept on asking why
Never wanting to really try
CHORUS
Cause all the times I've cried
All this pain I've tried to hide
What am I supposed to dream
When nothings ever what it seems
MIDDLE 8
Oh...
You never were the one
Oh...
You never were the one
CHORUS
Cause all the times I've cried
All this pain I've tried to hide
What am I supposed to dream
When nothings ever what it seems
Cause all the times I've cried
All this pain I've tried to hide
What am I supposed to dream
When nothings ever what it seems
Saturday, January 15, 2011
When do you give up?
As much as I would like to think of myself as a steadfast person who never gives up on the people that matters, there are moments in my life when I think it is just my ego and stubbornness that hangs on.
When do you know it's time to give up?
I wish someone would tell me.
When do you know it's time to give up?
I wish someone would tell me.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
"...it’s with us wherever we are."
"…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are."
— Pema Chödrön
— Pema Chödrön
2011 | Breathe
This is only my second day at work and I already feel the heat on my back. This is a mid-career shift for me, so while I know I have a lot to learn going in -- I didn't realize there was so little time to learn it all.
I need equanimity.
So I went for yoga class today.
I need equanimity.
So I went for yoga class today.
Monday, January 10, 2011
2011 | First Day at the New Job Today
... And I had to stay back late. :)
I have a feeling this new job will involve lots of learning and lots of overtime. My boss had previously wanted to set aside a 2 weeks teething period for me, but Powers That Be demand things be done within the next 2 months. This means I will need to accelerate my training and induction so that I can be of greater help sooner.
Looking forward to it! Yay!
I have a feeling this new job will involve lots of learning and lots of overtime. My boss had previously wanted to set aside a 2 weeks teething period for me, but Powers That Be demand things be done within the next 2 months. This means I will need to accelerate my training and induction so that I can be of greater help sooner.
Looking forward to it! Yay!
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
2011 | First Yoga Class for the Year
I had my first yoga class for 2011 at the local Iyengar studio. The irony is, I was working there last year, helping out with the administrative duties -- but I never went for class. I just felt uncomfortable practicing there when I am under their employment. It is just a neurotic and irrational feeling.
I am no longer working at the studio, and I finally found myself in class this evening for a 7:30 pm class. I am out of practice -- it has been two years since I neglected my yoga practice.
Iyengar style however, is different from the yoga taught at my previous yoga studio. I am still not sure what to do with the props -- where should I put the bolster? Do I need a bolster? How tight should my belt be? I'm just figuring things out as I go along.
I have one week before I start a new job. I expect a steep learning curve at the beginning. 2011 will definitely be a year of new experiences and new challenges.
I am no longer working at the studio, and I finally found myself in class this evening for a 7:30 pm class. I am out of practice -- it has been two years since I neglected my yoga practice.
Iyengar style however, is different from the yoga taught at my previous yoga studio. I am still not sure what to do with the props -- where should I put the bolster? Do I need a bolster? How tight should my belt be? I'm just figuring things out as I go along.
I have one week before I start a new job. I expect a steep learning curve at the beginning. 2011 will definitely be a year of new experiences and new challenges.
Monday, January 03, 2011
WoYoPracMo is on Facebook
Urgh. I am already spending too much time on Facebook. But the universe has a way of laughing at you. Thanks to yogamum, I just found out WoYoPracMo (I guess it can call it a support group, or sangha for a bunch of people who made the commitment to practice yoga everyday for a whole month) is on Facebook. I'm there already. :P
Sunday, January 02, 2011
2011 | Things I Want to Do in 2011
I have spoken to some of my friends, and one thing we tend to agree about 2010 is that it has been a rough year for a lot of us. They say fortune runs in cycles, so maybe it is time for better luck in 2011.
I know I need my luck to improve this year.
In the spirit of new beginnings, I have drafted some aspirations for 2011. (nope. they are not "resolutions" :P)
Some of the things I hope to do for 2011 are:
1) Write every day
In any form. Either in my journal, on this blog or working on a story. I haven't been working the creative side of my brain very much the past 2 years. It is time to get the brain muscles working again.
2) Study the Bhagavad Gita
I had always wanted to sit down one day and really meditate on the Gita - as part of my own spiritual inquiry.
3) Finish writing the story I started when I was in the university
That story is called, "Orpheus Sings the Guitar Electric". It's a love story, a sad one, with vampyres, rock music and reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
4) Meditate everyday
I'm looking at twice a day (morning and night) for at least 15 minutes each time
5) Resume a regular yoga practice
Two years ago I had a really good regular practice - 5 to 6 times a week. On top of that, I was a vegetarian, cooked lunch for myself almost everyday. I felt really healthy, almost never fell sick. Then it all went to pieces. But as they say, when you stumble, just get back up again.
6) Quit Mafia Wars
Okay, this is easier said than done. Mafia Wars on Facebook was like an emotional crutch for me the last 2 years. But recently I quit playing for a short while - and it was a good break: I had more time to do other things, I met up with my real life friends, and most importantly, I started sleeping early. Then I resumed playing Mafia Wars again, and my sleep schedule went to hell again. This is an unhealthy addiction. I want my life back.
What is preventing me from quitting Mafia Wars? I made a lot of friends playing this stupid game, and walking away from the game probably means walking away from my friends.
7) Travel at least once this year
I'm hoping ... Chicago in September? ;)
8) Save money
This gap year has drained my savings significantly. I am at that age where I need to start saving more for the future.
9) Read more than last year
One indication of how well I am doing mentally is how much I read. I can read more than 50 books in a year in spite of a busy work schedule and a 5~6 times a week yoga practice, yet only managed 3 books in 2009, and 13 books in 2010 -- this says a lot. It's not about the lack of time. Something was very wrong in 2009 and 2010.
2011, please be better.
10) Take full responsibility for maintaining the positive friendship in my life
It is too easy to always blame the other party when things don't go well in your relationships. I have decided this doesn't work, and I have decided to take full responsibility for the relationships in my life. I don't mean a self-imposed martyrdom that takes all the blame by the way. What this means is, I choose to actively work towards improving and mending my relationship with the people I care about. To make the fullest effort at the things I can change, and for that which I cannot change, to surrender.
11) Resume reading Proust
When I first started blogging, I didn't start with any direction. Then the blog found itself when I saw a group of book bloggers that decided to read Proust together. This blog was supposed to be a book blog, then it became something more for me.
Let's devote some time in 2011 to Marcel, shall we?
12) To let go of the things that no longer work for me
Some people I know spent their New Year pursuing old grudges that started in 2009. I decided this is a good lesson on the need to let go of grudges and toxicity. Life is simply too short to be spent on things and people that don't serve our happiness or emotional maturity.
Let go, let go, let go.
Namaste, my friends.
I know I need my luck to improve this year.
In the spirit of new beginnings, I have drafted some aspirations for 2011. (nope. they are not "resolutions" :P)
Some of the things I hope to do for 2011 are:
1) Write every day
In any form. Either in my journal, on this blog or working on a story. I haven't been working the creative side of my brain very much the past 2 years. It is time to get the brain muscles working again.
2) Study the Bhagavad Gita
I had always wanted to sit down one day and really meditate on the Gita - as part of my own spiritual inquiry.
3) Finish writing the story I started when I was in the university
That story is called, "Orpheus Sings the Guitar Electric". It's a love story, a sad one, with vampyres, rock music and reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
4) Meditate everyday
I'm looking at twice a day (morning and night) for at least 15 minutes each time
5) Resume a regular yoga practice
Two years ago I had a really good regular practice - 5 to 6 times a week. On top of that, I was a vegetarian, cooked lunch for myself almost everyday. I felt really healthy, almost never fell sick. Then it all went to pieces. But as they say, when you stumble, just get back up again.
6) Quit Mafia Wars
Okay, this is easier said than done. Mafia Wars on Facebook was like an emotional crutch for me the last 2 years. But recently I quit playing for a short while - and it was a good break: I had more time to do other things, I met up with my real life friends, and most importantly, I started sleeping early. Then I resumed playing Mafia Wars again, and my sleep schedule went to hell again. This is an unhealthy addiction. I want my life back.
What is preventing me from quitting Mafia Wars? I made a lot of friends playing this stupid game, and walking away from the game probably means walking away from my friends.
7) Travel at least once this year
I'm hoping ... Chicago in September? ;)
8) Save money
This gap year has drained my savings significantly. I am at that age where I need to start saving more for the future.
9) Read more than last year
One indication of how well I am doing mentally is how much I read. I can read more than 50 books in a year in spite of a busy work schedule and a 5~6 times a week yoga practice, yet only managed 3 books in 2009, and 13 books in 2010 -- this says a lot. It's not about the lack of time. Something was very wrong in 2009 and 2010.
2011, please be better.
10) Take full responsibility for maintaining the positive friendship in my life
It is too easy to always blame the other party when things don't go well in your relationships. I have decided this doesn't work, and I have decided to take full responsibility for the relationships in my life. I don't mean a self-imposed martyrdom that takes all the blame by the way. What this means is, I choose to actively work towards improving and mending my relationship with the people I care about. To make the fullest effort at the things I can change, and for that which I cannot change, to surrender.
11) Resume reading Proust
When I first started blogging, I didn't start with any direction. Then the blog found itself when I saw a group of book bloggers that decided to read Proust together. This blog was supposed to be a book blog, then it became something more for me.
Let's devote some time in 2011 to Marcel, shall we?
12) To let go of the things that no longer work for me
Some people I know spent their New Year pursuing old grudges that started in 2009. I decided this is a good lesson on the need to let go of grudges and toxicity. Life is simply too short to be spent on things and people that don't serve our happiness or emotional maturity.
Let go, let go, let go.
Namaste, my friends.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
100 BOOKS | 100 Books To Read 2011 - The Planning
People who have been reading this blog since it first started probably recall the 100 Books to Read lists. This blog was first started to alleviate boredom at work, but slowly evolved into a place where I kept track of my reading. I started drawing up a list of 100 books I aspire to read every year, fully conscious of the fact that real life makes it almost impossible to finish 100 books in a year -- but going ahead anyway. None of us will ever truly be able to finish all the books we want to read in this life-time anyway, so we might as well just try and enjoy the ride: The journey is the destination.
I have decided to revive the 100 Books To Read List for 2011. It has been something I enjoyed doing for several years -- but I have neglected it the past two years. I guess this is as much a sign that the circumstances in my life is finally improving.
For 2011, I hope to finally tackle Ryszard Kapuscinski, to read more history -- and maybe finally finish some of the classics I have always wanted to read.
As it is every year, the list is fluid and evolving, full of good intentions.
100 Books To Read 2011
- Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human • Richard Wrangham
[23/12/2010 ~ - A Paradise Built in Hell • Rebecca Solnit
[14/12/2010 ~ - Let the Right One In • John Ajvide Lindqvist
[Translated from the Swedish by Ebba Segerberg]
[18/11/2010 ~ - The Classical World • Robin Lane Fox
- Sergio: One Man's Fight to Save the World • Samantha Power
- The Shadow of the Sun • Ryszard Kapuscinski
- The Histories • Herodotus
- Guns, Germs and Steel • Jared Diamond
- No Logo • Naomi Klein
- War and Peace • Leo Tolstoy
[translated by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky] - Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi • Geoff Dyer
- Out of Sheer Rage: In the Shadow of D.H. Lawrence • Geoff Dyer
- The Death of Ivan Ilyich & Other Stories • Leo Tolstoy
[translated by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky] - Just Kids • Patti Smith
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- Eat, Pray, Love • Elizabeth Gilbert
[02/12/2010 ~ 08/12/2010]
As you can see- the list is still in the planning process.
RECORDS FOR 2010
BOOKS READ
COMICS READ
- Eat, Pray, Love • Elizabeth Gilbert
- Letters to a Young Poet • Rainer Maria Rilke [Translated by Stephen Mitchell]
- Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking • Malcolm Gladwell
- Hannah's Gift: Lessons From a Life Fully Lived • Maria Housden
- The Art of Possibility • Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander
- The Last American • Elizabeth Gilbert
- The Girl Who Played with Fire • Stieg Larsson [Translated from the Swedish by Reg Keeland
- Into the Wild • Jon Krakauer
- Where the God of Love Hangs Out: Stories • Amy Bloom
- Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen • Christopher McDougall
- The Epicure's Lament • Kate Christensen
- The Great Man • Kate Christensen
- Fight Club • Chuck Palahniuk
COMICS READ
- Batwoman: Elegy • Greg Rucka & J.H. Williams III
- Queen & Country (Definitive Edition) Volume 04 • Greg Rucka
- Queen & Country (Definitive Edition) Volume 03 • Greg Rucka
- Queen & Country (Definitive Edition) Volume 02 • Greg Rucka
- Queen & Country (Definitive Edition) Volume 01 • Greg Rucka
A big improvement from 2009. :)
Thursday, December 30, 2010
QUOTE | Whenever we find fault with others ...
"Whenever we find fault with others, whether through anger, contemptuous certainty, self-righteousness, or gossip, it is often based in fear. We may not be aware of our fears, but when we look deeply, we may discover the fear of rejection, loss of control, of unworthiness, or the fear of disconnection. But refraining alone is not enough—by itself it is just behavior modification—and it is neither healing nor transformative. Only through uncovering and consciously entering into the deep hole inside, welcoming the fear with curiosity and compassion, can we ultimately reconnect with the basic wholeness of our true nature."
—Ezra Bayda
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
QUOTE | Failure and Success
“Failure’s hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you’re successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever.”
– Po Bronson
– Po Bronson
Sunday, December 26, 2010
we must make a relationship with loneliness until it becomes aloneness
"We leave our homeland, our property and our friends. We give up the familiar ground that supports our ego, admit the helplessness of ego to control its world and secure itself. We give up our clingings to superiority and self-preservation...It means giving up searching for a home, becoming a refugee, a lonely person who must depend on himself...Fundamentally, no one can help us. If we seek to relieve our loneliness, we will be distracted from the path. Instead, we must make a relationship with loneliness until it becomes aloneness."
~ Chögyam Trungpa (The Myth of Freedom and the Way of Meditation)
Monday, December 20, 2010
PATTI SMITH | "... please don’t abandon the book"
“I dreamed of having a book of my own, of writing one that I could put on a shelf. Please, no matter how we advance technologically, please don’t abandon the book. There is nothing in our material world more beautiful than the book.”
~ Patti Smith, in her acceptance speech for the 2010 National Book Awards
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Giving Gift Cards for Christmas?
"Book buying, by extension, has become an impersonal exchange. Soulless gift cards and instant e-certificates are, of course, the only option when there is no specific book object to wrap. But giving gift cards in a long-term relationship is depressing. It's like saying, 'Here's 150 Amazon dollars. That's how much I love you. Please adjust to reflect my portion of the mortgage payment.' "
--Leah McLaren in her Globe & Mail column "How the rise of e-readers takes the fun out of giving books."
But I like gift-cards to bookstores. Give me, please?
Sunday, December 05, 2010
Eat, Pray, Love the movie: "Ruin is a gift"
Liz: "A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It's called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome's first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It's one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won't let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic, it's just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."
~ from the film "Eat, Pray, Love"
MONDAY LYRICS | 追 ("Chase")
追(電影 『金枝玉葉』插曲)
曲:李迪文 詞:林夕 編: George Leong
這一生 也在進取
這分鐘 卻掛念誰
我會說 是唯獨你 不可失去
好風光 似幻似虛
誰明人生樂趣
我會說 為情為愛 仍然是對
誰比你重要 成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要 狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒
一追再追 只想追趕生命裡一分一秒
原來多麼可笑 你是真正目標
一追再追 追蹤一些生活最基本需要
原來早不缺少 wo..ha..
有了你 即使平凡卻最重要
好光陰 縱沒太多 一分鐘又如何
會與你 共同渡過 都不枉過
瘋戀多 錯誤更多 如能重新做過
我會說 願能為你 提前做錯
一追再追 只想追趕生命裡一分一秒
原來多麼可笑 你是真正目
標一追再追 追蹤一些生活最基本需要
原來早不缺少 WO..HA..
只得你 會叫我彷彿人群裡最重要
有了你 即使沈睡了 也在笑
曲:李迪文 詞:林夕 編: George Leong
這一生 也在進取
這分鐘 卻掛念誰
我會說 是唯獨你 不可失去
好風光 似幻似虛
誰明人生樂趣
我會說 為情為愛 仍然是對
誰比你重要 成功了敗了也完全無重要
誰比你重要 狂風與暴雨都因你燃燒
一追再追 只想追趕生命裡一分一秒
原來多麼可笑 你是真正目標
一追再追 追蹤一些生活最基本需要
原來早不缺少 wo..ha..
有了你 即使平凡卻最重要
好光陰 縱沒太多 一分鐘又如何
會與你 共同渡過 都不枉過
瘋戀多 錯誤更多 如能重新做過
我會說 願能為你 提前做錯
一追再追 只想追趕生命裡一分一秒
原來多麼可笑 你是真正目
標一追再追 追蹤一些生活最基本需要
原來早不缺少 WO..HA..
只得你 會叫我彷彿人群裡最重要
有了你 即使沈睡了 也在笑
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Om Namah Shivaya Gurave
Om Namah Shivaya Gurave
(I offer myself to the one true teacher within and without)
Saccidananda Murtaye
(In the forms of reality, consciousness and bliss)
Nisprapancaya Shantaya
(Ever present and full of peace)
Niralambaya Tejase
(Independent being, the vital essence of illumination)
2 December 2010
What a Friend Said about Me: "You are funny... things go good, you are uncomfortable, things aren't cosy, you are in your element."
Reading Eat, Pray, Love at the moment, because I enjoyed the film with Julia Roberts -- and because sometimes you are just in a strange kind of mood for a book about travel and healing. Besides, I just picked it up from the library today. I was #19 on the Reservation List.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
MUSIC | Rachael Yamagata - Elephants
One of those songs where the ironic incongruity between melody and the lyrics are effective.
If the elephants have past lives yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper
And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads
And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you
If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night
And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart
And how dare that you say you'll call
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind
And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance
You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed
So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night
If the elephants have past lives yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper
And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads
And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you
If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night
And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart
And how dare that you say you'll call
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind
And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance
You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed
So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night
MUSIC | Rachael Yamagata - I Wish You Love
I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love
And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
MUSIC | Sia - Breathe Me
"Learn to watch your drama unfold while at the same time knowing you are more than your drama."
— Ram Dass
Over and over again, the same mistakes, the same drama. You think it hurts now, then the pain gets worse. It's all part of human nature.
I love the way this song begins, something poignantly human in it:
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
I made a mistake. Did it again. No one else to blame.
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
MUSIC | P!nk - Fuckin' Perfect
Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!
You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same
Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me
The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
Why do I do that..?
Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me...
Friday, November 19, 2010
Rilke On Entering a Profession
It is good that you will soon be entering a profession that will make you independent and will put you completely on your own, in every sense. Wait patiently to see whether your innermost life feels hemmed in by the form this profession imposes. I myself consider it a very difficult and very exacting one, since it is burdened with enormous conventions and leaves very little room for a personal interpretation of its duties. But your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Carrie Brownstein has a new band!
Carrie Brownstein has a new band, Wild Flag - which is made up of Carrie Brownstein, Mary Timony, Rebecca Cole, and Janet Weiss (yes, Janet does the drums.) As she wrote on the NPR "All Songs Considered" blog:
After Sleater-Kinney broke up in 2006 I had very little desire to play music. It took well over three years before picking up a guitar meant anything to me other than an exercise. In fact, it was writing about music for NPR — connecting with music fans and experiencing a sense of community — that made me want to write songs again. I began to feel I was in my head too much about music, too analytical. I felt an emotional tie with my readers and with the bands and songs and scenes I was writing about and sharing, but ultimately it was not the same as playing or being inside of the song.
I have no desire to play music unless I need music. And as readers of Monitor Mix might know, I have very little desire to even listen to music by players who don't seem to need it, to want it. Otherwise, what is the point? About a year ago I started to need music again, and so I called on my friends and we joined as a band.
Chemistry cannot be manufactured or forced, so WILD FLAG was not a sure thing, it was a "maybe," a "possibility." But after a handful of practice sessions, spread out over a period of months, I think we all realized that we could be greater than the sum of our parts, not four disparate puzzle pieces trying to make sense of the other, but a cohesive and dynamic whole. At least that's our hope going forward. We're playing for ourselves but, of course, we'd love it if you listened.
How Handwriting Trains the Brain
Wall Street Journal article on how handwriting can train the brain.
Using advanced tools such as magnetic resonance imaging, researchers are finding that writing by hand is more than just a way to communicate. The practice helps with learning letters and shapes, can improve idea composition and expression, and may aid fine motor-skill development.
It's not just children who benefit. Adults studying new symbols, such as Chinese characters, might enhance recognition by writing the characters by hand, researchers say. Some physicians say handwriting could be a good cognitive exercise for baby boomers working to keep their minds sharp as they age.
That Kind of Love by Alison Krauss
Who would sell their soul for love?
Or waste one tear on compromise
Should be easy enough
To know a heartache in disguise
But the heart rules the mind
And the going gets rough
Pride takes the fall
When you find that kind of love
I can't help feeling like a fool
Since I lost that place inside
Where my heart knew its way
And my soul was ever wise
Once innocence was lost
There was not faith enough
Still my heart held on
When it found that kind of love
Though beauty is rare enough
Still we trust
Somehow we'll find it there
With no guarantee
It seems to me
At least it should be fair
But if it's only tears and pain
Isn't it still worth the cost
Like some sweet saving grace
Or a river we must cross
If we don't understand
What this life is made of
We learn the truth
When we find that kind of love
Cause when innocence is lost
There is not faith enough
We learn the truth
When we find that kind of love
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Hiding Behind the Screen by Roger Scruton
Essay by Roger Scruton which discusses the socialization process behind online media such as Second Life, Facebook -- and of course, blogs.
In human relations, risk avoidance means the avoidance of account ability, the refusal to stand judged in another’s eyes, the refusal to come face to face with another person, to give oneself in whatever measure to him or her, and so to run the risk of rejection. Accountability is not something we should avoid; it is something we need to learn. Without it we can never acquire either the capacity to love or the virtue of justice. Other people will remain for us merely complex devices, to be negotiated in the way that animals are negotiated, for our own advantage and without opening the possibility of mutual judgment. Justice is the ability to see the other as having a claim on you, as being a free subject just as you are, and as demanding your accountability. To acquire this virtue you must learn the habit of face-to-face encounters, in which you solicit the other’s consent and cooperation rather than imposing your will. The retreat behind the screen is a way of retaining control over the encounter, while minimizing the need to acknowledge the other’s point of view. It involves setting your will outside yourself, as a feature of virtual reality, while not risking it as it must be risked, if others are truly to be encountered. To encounter another person in his freedom is to acknowledge his sovereignty and his right: it is to recognize that the developing situation is no longer within your exclusive control, but that you are caught up by it, made real and accountable in the other’s eyes by the same considerations that make him real and accountable in yours.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Michael Ruhlman Has Something to Say
Michael Ruhlman talks a little about the ideas he learnt from this book: Catching Fire by Richard Wrangham. He talks about how learning to cook our food gave humans access to more calories, but most importantly, it forces us to cooperate to prepare cooked food. It made it harder for us to be jerks -- because jerks will find it harder to get cooked food.
Had Something to Say - Cooking from michael ruhlman on Vimeo.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
MUSIC | "My Immortal" by Evanescence
I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along
When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
POETRY | "The Decision" by Jane Hirshfield
There is a moment before a shape
hardens, a color sets.
Before the fixative or heat of kiln.
The letter might still be taken
from the mailbox.
The hand held back by the elbow,
the word kept between the larynx pulse
and the amplifying drum-skin of the room’s air.
The thorax of an ant is not as narrow.
The green coat on old copper weighs more.
Yet something slips through it —
looks around,
sets out in the new direction, for other lands.
Not into exile, not into hope. Simply changed.
As a sandy track-rut changes when called a Silk Road:
it cannot be after turned back from.
Monday, October 25, 2010
POETRY | "A Brief for the Defense" by Jack Gilbert
Sorrow everywhere. Slaughter everywhere. If babies
are not starving someplace, they are starving
somewhere else. With flies in their nostrils.
But we enjoy our lives because that's what God wants.
Otherwise the mornings before summer dawn would not
be made so fine. The Bengal tiger would not
be fashioned so miraculously well. The poor women
at the fountain are laughing together between
the suffering they have known and the awfulness
in their future, smiling and laughing while somebody
in the village is very sick. There is laughter
every day in the terrible streets of Calcutta,
and the women laugh in the cages of Bombay.
If we deny our happiness, resist our satisfaction,
we lessen the importance of their deprivation.
We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure,
but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have
the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless
furnace of this world. To make injustice the only
measure of our attention is to praise the Devil.
If the locomotive of the Lord runs us down,
we should give thanks that the end had magnitude.
We must admit there will be music despite everything.
We stand at the prow again of a small ship
anchored late at night in the tiny port
looking over to the sleeping island: the waterfront
is three shuttered cafés and one naked light burning.
To hear the faint sound of oars in the silence as a rowboat
comes slowly out and then goes back is truly worth
all the years of sorrow that are to come.
~ from Refusing Heaven (Knopf, 2005)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
POETRY | Throw Yourself Like Seed by Miguel de Unamuno
Shake off this sadness, and recover your spirit
sluggish you will never see the wheel of fate
that brushes your heel as it turns going by,
the man who wants to live is the man in whom life is abundant.
Now you are only giving food to that final pain
which is slowly winding you in the nets of death,
but to live is to work, and the only thing which lasts
is the work; start then, turn to the work.
Throw yourself like seed as you walk, and into your own field,
don't turn your face for that would be to turn it to death,
and do not let the past weigh down your motion.
Leave what's alive in the furrow, what's dead in yourself,
for life does not move in the same way as a group of clouds;
from your work you will be able one day to gather yourself.
~ Miguel de Unamuno
(from Roots and Wings, edited and translated by Robert Bly)
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
I miss you.
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I Need Some Lightness in my Reading
I have wanted to read something by Louise Erdrich for a very long time. I finally picked up Shadow Tag from the library recently and I'm several chapters into the book -- but you know what? I'm in no mood to finish the book.
I am feeling a little sore about yet another book started but unfinished -- but I refuse to dwell on it. The premise of the story is the disintegrating marriage between an artist and his research scholar wife. One day, the wife discovers that the husband has been reading her diary. Sick to the core of her being, she begins to write deliberately things that are meant for his eyes, while keeping another diary in secret.
The subject of this book is too taxing on my psyche right now. There are just moments in your life when you need some lightness and hope in the things you take in. I find the characters in Shadow Tag self-centred, cruel and deceitful -- and I have no patience for that right now. I need some hope in my reading. Some joy and kindness, please -- before I lose hope in humanity?
Acoustic version of "Help I'm Alive", by Metric
The year I was in Dubai, I read little. Any reading I did was for work and there was little pleasure in that.
Metric's "Help I'm Alive" was one of those songs I played on a loop on my iPod nano. Something about that little plaintive voice that sang about being afraid, overwhelmed by life and the heart beating like a hammer - that resonates with me.
Metric's "Help I'm Alive" was one of those songs I played on a loop on my iPod nano. Something about that little plaintive voice that sang about being afraid, overwhelmed by life and the heart beating like a hammer - that resonates with me.
I tremble
They're going to eat me alive
If I stumble
They're going to eat me alive
Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?
Beating like a hammer?
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart still beats . . .
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft
Tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
If you're still alive
My regrets are few
If my life is mine
What shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going
I get whatever I need
While my blood's still flowing
And my heart still beats . . .
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Beating like a hammer
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Monday, October 11, 2010
Song by Faiz Ahmed Faiz
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve
This pain will cease.
Friends will return
Wounds will heal
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve.
Day will dawn.
Night will end.
Clouds will burst.
Do not Grieve.
Do not grieve.
Times will change.
Birds will sing.
Spring will come.
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve.
~ Faiz Ahmed Faiz
Translated by Daud Kamal
Do not grieve
This pain will cease.
Friends will return
Wounds will heal
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve.
Day will dawn.
Night will end.
Clouds will burst.
Do not Grieve.
Do not grieve.
Times will change.
Birds will sing.
Spring will come.
Do not grieve.
Do not grieve.
~ Faiz Ahmed Faiz
Translated by Daud Kamal
Monday, October 04, 2010
The Stability of Ease
From Tricycle
"When we are well with ourselves, then whatever happens, it really doesn’t matter, because we have equilibrium and stability. We don’t feel any lack of confidence. If not, we’re always on edge, waiting to see how someone reacts to us, what people say to us or think about us. Our confidence hangs on what people tell us about how we are, how we look, how we behave. When we are really in touch with ourselves, we know ourselves beyond what others may tell us. So these three qualities—a good heart, stability, and spaciousness—these are really what you could call basic human virtues."
~ Sogyal Rinpoche
Monday, September 27, 2010
Falling Slowly
Sometimes you hear a song - it's beautiful, and you love it, but then you put it aside and thought nothing of it after some time. Later down the road, something happens. You listen to the song again, and suddenly this very same song is all that you're playing on your iPod day after day.
This song, according to Glen Hansard, is about trying to fix something that's broken, but you can't fix it, so you wish it well and send it on it's way.
Ever been there?
Lyrics | Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly lyrics
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